TOO STUPID OR TOO BLIND

Reading the news this morning gave me so much frustration to deal with! It was said two toddlers mere left unattended at their mothers' death bodies near an israeli soldiers camp. The UN humanitarian personnels found them and said it was so sad that israel soldiers did not care at all...even they closed their eyes and did not give much time for the humanitarians to evacuate the wounded and the death. This was so unacceptable. Israeli govt did not regret attacking the UN School in Jabaliya, stating the attack as response to rocket launched from the school. The UN officer in charge had denied and confirmed there was no military activity whatsoever in the camp. Sadly, The UN top sec jend said that act was unacceptabe without giving any further condemn. the US govt just went along with israeli govt. Are they too stupid or too blind?

DEJAVU

Esmail looked at the swirling black smoke over at the Northern town of Jabaliya. Flares lit up the skies as Israeli helicopters and fighter jets flew low over the city. He could see huge flames had fully confiscated his land, his home, his heart… a land he had longed dream of… He could hear the deafening sound of bombs and artilleries resulting from the bombardments. Thes skies turned red…red as blood. He screamed aloud with choking breath “We will not die today! Our sons shall rise in great numbers!” He lifted up his fist with force. He turned away from the crowds… He changed his course … he wiped her image away. The lady in his head called aloud for him but he ignored her. His will was unbreakable now. He would not abandon his people…he looked again at her saying “I’m so sorry Grand but I have to return. Our land screams for help…this is a promise I’ve made since I was born.” Tears fogged his eyes as he run towards Gaza City…away from Rafah border.

“Grandma, I’m still going. It’s safe, I ensure you that. Ahmed will guarantee my safety.” Esmail shoveled his mini laptop into leather back bag. It’s the last gadget he brought for his work. He threw a crooked smile and stepped closer to his gradma. He put his big muscular arms around her.

“Oh, come on Your Majesty. This royal guard will only go for a few days. Soon after covering his job, he shall return at your side again. It’s just two days. I’ll be back before new year’s eve.” He kissed her softly in the forehead…trying to tease her with one little good humor.

“Esmail, I’m too old to bear another loss. Why can’t you go somewhere else? Somehere safe… You can cover story of Iranian President over the nuclear weapon…or cover up the latest news in Afganistan … going into Palestina is insane.” She pleaded. She held his face into her wrinkled hands. She looked at his grey eyes. Something caught her. They were so deep like an ocean with endless depth. They gave her peace. She could see a crescent mark on his left cheek. Time did not heal it. It was there… a token of her family history…of a robbed generation…of a robbed land. Her fingers trailed on the visible mark…it sent her fire as she touched it…tears were now rolling from her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Esmail wiped her tears with his right hand while his left rested on her shoulder. “Grand, I have a hunch that it’s not my departure that saddens you. It’s the mark, isn’t it? And I know you would not provide me an explanation if I asked. Someday, I have to know Grand.” He spoke softly to avoid hurting her more. His grey tender eyes looked at her with concern.

“You, silly boy. It’s nothing to do with the mark. You’ve been told how you got it. How could you say that I was not sad with you leaving me all alone…what if I needed you when you were gone? Afterall I am now old and wrinkle…it affected my health!” She put an annoyed face at her grandson. She acted like a child who whined because she did not a lollipop. She pretended to get mad and threw his hands away.

“Ok Grand please don’t get mad. I take back what I said. Still, I have to go no matter what possible reasons you have. My office sends me to cover the peace talk between the two countries. It’s a challenging one for my career. Finally, they trust me to hook a big fish. I’ve bored only being assigned to cover up local news. It gives me a stepping stone. I can not throw this golden opportunity.” Esmail said with affirmative tone, trying to persuade her. “And you have sent Ahmed to come along, haven’t you?” He looked at the bulky man in front with the corner of his eyes.

“I have to go now or I’ll miss the session.” Esmail kissed her again in both cheeks and forehead. Then, he rushed to the door where Ahmeed had been waiting.

Fatima followed him close behind. Her watery eyes never left him. She knew she could not stop him. Deep down, she knew, the land would call for him…just like what she had dreamt for years since her depature. She had to let go even if it was too painful.

***

“You must leave now. Israeli is now opening the Rafah Border. You are no Palestinian. You’ll cross over easily!”

Esmail looked at her in disbelief. Never before in his life, a woman, except his grandma told him what to do in such imperative tone. Her eyes were serene black but there was no trace of fear in them. She was still busy evacuating the children from the refugee camp. She gave orders to them to follow the international humanity crews. He kept stalking at her back until she stopped.

“If you stay, you’ll get killed. That’s for sure!” She yelled.

Another blast stroke with mighty force. It hit the already shattered school. Debris and flares blown away, creating a red smoke all around. The children ran in fear, trying to avoid the collapsed building. Refugges run frantically. They had no shelter to hide from the bombardments. Esmail was thrown a few feet away from where he stood. He hit the ground with massive force. His vision blurred for a while. He smell something burnt. Then, he felt severe pain in his right shoulder. “Allahuakbar …! Esmail…!” He heard someone calling his name. The voice was distant and faint. His head ached badly. He saw the same dejavu again …now he saw memory from his past.

He saw himself in the white room. He was still so small, a five year old kid. His mother was preparing breakfast. She was tall and slender with sweet smile on her face. Her eyes were soft hazel. She wore white long dress and hearscarf. When she smiled, glossy white teeth lined artly. Her voice was soft and she smell a jasmine. Esmail remembered how beautiful his mother was. His father sat in the dining room reading newspaper. He was a few inches taller than his wife with short trimmed beard and on aval beautiful face. His eyes were raven black. His smile was almost identical with his wife, soft and sweet. Little Esmail amazed at how their parents seemed moved in harmony… like a magnet to each other…a gravity he could never explain. He saw himself kept running to and fro around them.

He saw his little home stood in a small town near Bethlehem. His home was small and simple, a typicall farmer’s house. His town was green and beautiful. Various flowers and plants grew, from cauliflower, daffodils, eggplants to wheat. His mother had tended some flowers in the front yard with great care. Some neighbors started their day with daily activities. All smiled and greeted one another. Afar, he could see the desert and the rock. It seemed a happy little town. It was his Wadi Fukin, a small agricultural town near the city of Bethlehem.

It was early morning in the kitchen. Little Esmail was still busy tying his shoelaces; his mother was cooking, and her father reading the news. There, he saw his grandparent…Abdullah, who helped him with the shoelaces. He had school to attend to. He saw no sign of his grandma, Fatima. He remembered them all vividly…their faces…their voice. It was a picture of perfect family.

Suddenly, a loud bang was heard at the door. Outside, he could hear gunshots and screamings. It got louder and louder. Some people tried to force in. Within minutes, hundreds of bullets pierced through the white door, it was shattered into pieces. They were all so overwhelmed with fear. Soldiers with green uniform and heavry weaponry forced in. There were ten soldiers in the house, many were waited outside. They pointed their guns at them. Esmail saw one of them dragged his father by force. They hit them several times with their weapons. Fresh blood dripped from his nose, mouth, ear but the beating did not stop. Abdullah and his mother screamed and tried to stop them. Instead of stopping, the soldiers continued the torture…calling them names unbearable to hear. They hit them all. Hatred filled their eyes. His families like lambs in the hands of hungry lions.

“Dogs!! You shall all burn in hell!”

“Yeah, finish them all!”

“Die, you dogs. You spoil our holy land!”

“The land is ours!”

“Don’t kill! We are only ordered to driver them out from the town!”

“F*** the order!”

Esmail heard all those spiteful words. He crouched in the corner. He wanted to make them stop; screaming at them…but his mouth was sealed. His body trembled forcefully. Tears rolled welled down from his foggy eyes. Blood was everywhere. One of the sholdiers dragged his mother approaching him. His face was like a ghastly ghost. He ripped her headscarf. A black long hair cascaded freely to her face now. The soldier was hungry…hungry for something Esmail did not understand. Her mother wrestled him with her leftover force. She screamed and yelled. Her nails buried down on the soldier’s nape. He hit her right in the face. More blood dripped from her swollen face. Two more soldiers came to her. Esmail could stand it. He ran forward to protect his mother. The rifle hit him on his left cheek. Blood soaked his little face. He kept surging forward, kicking and punching wildly. More blows came for him. His eyes now covered with blood. He heard her calling…”Run, Esmail…Faris..!”

It happened so fast. Form his corner of his eyes; he could see his father struggled loose from the soldiers. He made two of them fell to the ground with his fists. He ran towards his mother. “Get off her!” He screamed loudly. His voice roared like a wounded lion. He sprang and jerked the soldiers off his wife. The soldiers were shocked in a moment. Faris held his wife close to his chest. He run his fingers through her long black hairs, now soaked in blood.

“Aisya…Please…!” He mourned sadly…wiping the blood from her face and shaked her body as if to wake her up from a very long sleep. He kissed her over and over. Aisya lied motionless with limb body. Her clothes were torn apart. Her once serene face, was now lifeless. Esmail heard one more long shrieking voice that pierced through the very core of human soul.

“Aisya…!”

Sequence of gunshots was heard. Little Esmail heard two bodies fell on the floor. He wiped the blood from his swollen eyes. There, lying in the floor was his father and his grandfather. Bullets had scattered their flesh. His mother was lifeless not very far from him. The sight made his so sick. Nausea ambushed him. He could not look anymore…Anger and fear filled his whole existence. He hated them. He heard them laughing without remorse. He cried no more. He felt the pain no more. Hatred had taken control over his body. He sprang forward and screamed…”Murderers…” More gunshots were heard.

***

Esmail run out of breath. His head was throbbing with pain and his left shoulder burnt. The picture of his slaughtered family was vivid and clear. It was like a video rewinding in his head over and over again.

“Easy now. You’re going to be all right!”

He heard a woman whispering at his ears. He made an effort to open his eyes. The bright light hurt his eyes. With time, his eyes git accustomed to the light. He saw her sitting next to his bed. The room was white, the sheet was white. He saw some other men, women, and children lying in their beds as well. He now realized he was at the hospital. He heard children crying in pain, calling out for their parents. Their small body was on IV and bandages. Red stain was everywhere.

“You are lucky. The doctor had removed the shrapnel from your shoulder.” She smiled. “You’re at Syifa Hospital. You’ve been unconscious for a few hours.”

“I am a Palestinian!” Esmail whispered weakly, rather to himself. “They killed my family.”

“Sshhhs… everthing is going to be allright. They will transport you soon to Egypt when the Rafah Border is opened. I think you get a shock!” She stared at him with deep concern.

“I lived in Wadi Fukin! They killed them when I was six. It’s in 1980. I remembered now. “ Esmail panting for breath. His threw his gaze to the children around the ward. “I’m not crazy. Remember how I’ve been telling you about the Dejavu I have? It’s real.” He held her gaze for a moment. “I am a Palestinian, Layla! That’s why the land has called me in my dreams!”

“But how?” Layla asked, eager with the new fact of her friend. She only knew him for days but it was as if she had known him for a lifetime. She looked at his soft grey eyes. She could see recognition there, a joy and fear.

“I was shot…almost dead. No one but my grandma had faith that I could be saved. They brutally shot me.” Esmail stopped for a moment. He touched the crescent mark on his left cheek. “It was a miracle how I survived. Fatima brought me to Egypt. I survived but with no memory from the past. One bullet pierced through my brain!” He shuddered. Then, he told her about her memory recovery… the dejavu…and the shocking truth.

“I don’t know what to say! It must be painful for you to remember. It happens daily in Palestina. You have seen the horror yourself.” Layla choked for breath. She had lost her family too and she would not tell, not yet. “What will you do then?” She asked.

Esmail threw his gaze. The truth had shocked him. Yet, he was still confused. He saw Fatima on the back of his mind. He saw her sorrows and pains. She never discussed the past, never brought Palestinian issues on her life with him. Her loss was far too great to endure…arriving at home, only to see that her whole family was massacred. No alive except her only grandson. She was driven out of her homeland. The land was the heartbeat of her life, but it was denied to her. Esmail could not bear to see her get hurt again.

Yet, at Palestina, he found his peace. An empty room at his heart was now filled. The stream of Palestina flowed on his blood…its desert, its people, its city were now filling him. His land has called for him and he could not ignore the call. He had forgotten his land for almost 28 years. Now, he remembered. He saw his once beautiful land was no more than a massive prison. People were dying inside…cut off from the world by the defensive walls…treated as animals in their own land. How could he endure it?

“Esmail…” Layla called. Her soft yet strong voice had drawn him back from his deep thought. He looked at her for the first time with anew feeling. Her beautiful face shone like a bright star on the darkest night. He got lost in her for a moment.

“The children in the school? What happen to them?” Esmail remembered the children. He saw them running frantically avoiding the collapsed building. The missiles were still launched at the town.

“We have evacuated the survivors. Tens of children could not make it!” Layla said mournfully. “The hospital ran out of medication and IV. There will be a shortage of electricity, clean water, and food supplies. Either, we will die in war or in starvation.” She sighed. “You’ve seen that a lot within the last few days.”

Esmail knew she was right. He had stayed longer than he was expected. He was detained by the time Israeli launched its rockets to Gaza strip. The border was closed. He was trapped. The days of the attack had made see the truth. He saw shocking realities in Gaza. Layla worked as a member one of humanitarian aid agencies. She was his contact person in Gaza. Instead of covering stories about a truce between the two nations, he witnessed the terror of war against civilians. He saw many children died within hours, innocent robbed of their life, home, and future. Esmail saw their pain and misery…and it was now part of him.

“Ahmed has come for you. There will a three hours stop of their killing. Ahmed thinks it’s the best time to get you into Rafah border. I’ll get prepared.” Layla held his hands for minutes. Before he could say anything, she disappeared in the mass of doctors and nurses outside the ward.

***

“Esmail, don’t just stand. I need help overhere!” Layla flashed an angry look. She tried to calm a five year old kid in her hand. The shrapnel has smashed his legs badly. He screamed in pain. “Esmail…!” She shouted again.

“I’m coming!” Esmail swiftly took the kid to his broad mucular chest. He cringed when the pain on his shoulder sent him an electrical wave. But he would not yield. He saw the faces around him. They were his people. They were in pain. He was there to help. It’s his call. He has found his peace.

WHAT A RIDICULE TERMS

Israeli gave three hours cease fire for Gaza after receiving some pressures from the world. The UN is still debating and arguing without making any real progress. This is so frustrating. May be they will act after Gaza is totally annihilated. And where is the Arab League? Meanwile Egypt and French had given their proposal of cease fire to both sides. Israeli proposed Hamas' total disarmament and total stop of Hamas' missile launch as total requirement for the cease fire process. It also kept denying there's bee humanity crisis over Gaza strip. I think it's ridicilous... Children are dying outhere...starvation threatens their life...no sufficient electricity, clean water n medical supplis...are they too blind to see? If Hamas has to go for disarments, then their troops must do the same... Leaving Gaza without any defense at all is ridicilous term. This morning, it was said that the death toll has reached total 670, a quarter of it is innocent children. And Israeli continued its masacre after the three hours suspend. More will die while world leaders kept debating. This real act of terrorism will only rapidly spread seeds of hatred and retallion. Palestina will never die!

POEMS ON GAZA

Annihilation

An ocean of blood in its tidal

At the gate of annihilation

Of a nation

Of a race

Of humanity

Children cried in despair

Mothers woe in agony

Fathers mourned in misery

Earth turned crimson red

Annihilation,

Swept away in the blink of an eye

Over a nation,

Over a race

Over humanity

Annihilation,

Twilight of civilization,

A tomb on the graveyard

Of Gaza

LOOK THEM IN THE EYE

O, soldiers

You have father

You have mother

Sister and brother

And you will have son and daughter

Could you look them in the eye?

When you shoot the children?

When you color Gaza with their blood

Innocent child

Who has nothing but pure heart

Look them in eye

Before you launch the missile

And throw down your rocket

Is it bravery you seek for?

Is it victory you search for?

Is it glory to win for?

Look them in eye

And aim your gun

Look them in eye

Before you pull the trigger

For it is not bravery

It is not victory

Nor glory

CHILDREN OF TOMORROW

What was left?

In this huge killing land

But sorrows and pain

Would be there children of tomorrow?

When death besieged them

Imprisoned them with starvation,

Fear of terror and endless pain

Merciless soldiers kept an eye

A patrol of hungry vultures

A little move, paid with a bullet

A little woe, rewarded with a shot

A little despair, met with death sentence

What was left then?

Children with no future,

Who would turn anguish into hatred

A vengeance

Until the circle is full

ECLIPSE

It's been amazing how I could finish this novel within oned day... I dmired of myself, lol. I think this novel outshines its two predecessor, TWILIGHT and NEW MOON. I am a bit disappointing in NEW MOON because Bella whine.s and mopes way too lot, that i could not almost bear. It's like i lost the magic spell of Edwards and Bella. Eclipse matches Twilight in suspense, drama and magic. The characters, especially Bella improves (no more whining and moping) because the characters cope with their situation better. The suspense is much more thrilling as in this novel, the readers could see the real fight between good vampires led by Carlisle (the Cullens) side by side with Werewolves pack led by Sam and Jake against the newborn vampires led by Victoria, the emergence of Helen sent by the Volturi and the competing to win Bella's heart between Edward, the vampire, and Jake, the werewolf. The magic spell is back. Overall, Stephenie Meyer brilliantly captures true love and the meaning of sacrifice with Eclipse. It makes me unable to stop reading it until the end :-)

Synopsis of Eclipse

Edward and Bella are back together, permanently this time. After the vote made the Cullen, Carlisle had agreed to turn her into a vampire upon her highschool graduation graduation, much to Edward's dissatisfaction. He never wanted her to live a life of his.

He took a deep breath before he answered. "You could do so much better, Bella. I know that you believe I have a soul, but I'm not entirely convinced on that point, and to risk yours .. ." He shook his head slowly. "For me to allow this - to let you become what I am just so that I'll never have to lose you - is the most selfish act I can imagine. I want it more than anything, for myself . But for you, I want so much more. Giving in - it feels criminal. It's the most selfish thing I'll ever do, even if I live forever. "If there were any way for me to become human for you - no matter what the price was, I would pay it."
I sat (185)

In the end, Edward is forced to agree than seeing her so unhappy. He would change her himself only on one condition, she marries him. first . He is an old-fashioned vampire, lol. He places matrimony above than just merely trivial love and lust.

"You see, Bella, I was alwaysthat boy. In my world, I was already a man. I wasn't looking for love - no, I was far too eager to be a soldier for that; I thought of nothing but the idealized glory of the war that they were selling prospective draftees then - but if I had found . . ." He paused, cocking his head to the side. "I was going to say if I had found someone, but that won't do. If I had found you, there isn't a doubt in my mind how I would have proceeded. I was that boy, who would have - as soon as I discovered that you were what I was looking for - gotten down on one knee and endeavored to secure your hand. I would have wanted you for eternity, even when the word didn't have quite the same connotations." (187)

Later on, Bella is torn between her will to become immortal to be able to be her true love or to stay human for the sake of her family, and friends, mostly for Jake. Will she say yes and risk disappointing her family?

In the meantime, the emergence of the Cullens again in Forks has awakened the pact of werewolves at La Push reservation. Their everlasting feud had come to a verge of a fight. Jake is not giving up Bella to a vampire and Edward is much the same. Bella is much torn between Edward and Jake. She loved both but she has 'imprinted' Edward as her true soulmate. At the same time, she is not able to see Jake getting hurt. Edward gets jealous and gruesome ob Bella's affection towards Jake.

Things get worse when on the news Seattle is being ravaged by a “serial killer” that is really an army of newborn vampires that are unable to control their bloodthirsty urges. Unsolved murders have put the city into an alert. The Cullens are afraid that this incident might provoke the Volturi to interfere. If that was the case, they would soon find out that Bella was still a human (on New Moon, Alice had made them see that Bella would join The Cullens as vampire). It means danger to Bella. As Edward as his brothers investigate, Bella's home has un invited visitor. This visitor steals some of Bella's belongings...Alice thinks it is used to get Bella's scent.

It is later revealed upon Bella's graduation party, that the newborns are being created by Victoria, who has wanted Bella dead ever since the end of Twilight. Their numbers outnumber The Cullens. Carlisle tries to get help from Tanya (a family like the Cullens) but they do not answer the call for one of their family being upset with death of Laurent by the wolves. It's also interesting to find out about Alice and Jasper past in thi novel. As mentioned in other two novels, their changing as vampires were still a mystery to the Cullens. And theirs are revealed in this chapter. The mystery about how the werewolves appear also gets lighten up. The inner conflict of their existence towards the people they love is much the same with the vampires. The relationship of Sam-Emily-Leah is also quite appealing the readers...just like with Edward, Bella, and Jake.

Jake and his pact, realizing the danger towards their people if the newborns attack and Jake for Bella, decide to make a truce with the Cullens. They will be working together to protect Bella. They have to destroy these bad bloodsuckers. Edward, particularly, want them to be destroyed soon before the Volturi intervene. It is up to vampire Edward and werewolf Jacob to unite the good vampires and werewolves in order to save Bella’s life.

As they are on the same page, Edward and Jacob learn about each other deeply more than they ever think about. Jacob still has hope that Edward will be able to let her go...to stay human...to grow old...and have kids and grandchildren. Edward says again that the decision is not up to him. He has made the wrong desicion last time left her, he will not make the same mistake again.

Edward spoke slowly. "Jacob, from the second that I realized that I loved her, I knew there were only four possibilities. The first alternative, the best one for Bella, would be if she didn't feel as strongly for me - if she got over me and moved on. I would accept that, though it would never change the way I felt. You think of me as a . . . living stone - hard and cold. That's true. We are set the way we are, and it is very rare for us to experience a real change. When that happens, as when Bella entered my life, it is a permanent change. There's no going back. . . .

"The second alternative, the one I'd originally chosen, was to stay with her throughout her human life. It wasn't a good option for her, to waste her life with someone who couldn't be human with her, but it was the alternative I could most easily face. Knowing all along that, when she died, I would find a way to die, too. Sixty years, seventy years - it would seem like a very, very short time to me. . . . But then it proved much too dangerous for her to live in such close proximity with my world. It seemed like everything that could go wrong did. Or hung over us . . . waiting to go wrong. I was terrified that I wouldn't get those sixty years if I stayed near her while she was human.

"So I chose option three. Which turned out to be the worst mistake of my very long life, as you know. I chose to take myself out of her world, hoping to force her into the first alternative. It didn't work, and it very nearly killed us both.

"What do I have left but the fourth option? It's what she wants - at least, she thinks she does. I've been trying to delay her, to give her time to find a reason to change her mind, but she's very . . . stubborn. You knowthat. I'll be lucky to stretch this out a few more months. She has a horror of getting older, and her birthday is in September. . . ." (338)

"As I said, I'm feeling oddly grateful for your presence in her life tonight. It was the least I could do. . . . You know, Jacob, if it weren't for the fact that we're natural enemies and that you're also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you."
"Maybe . . . if you weren't a disgusting vampire who was planning to suck out the life of the girl I love . . . well, no, not even then." (339)


Finally, they both make peace with each other. Now, the moment of the war is about to start. The newborns led by victoria is appraching. Meanwhile, The Cullens also have to worry about the emergence of the Volturi. Bella is caught in the middle. She fears for the safety of The Cullens and her weerewolves' friends...will she able to see her beloved, friends and family face to face with death???


I have to give four thumps up for this novel :-) It's entertaining and not easily to forget..the suspense will take its readers out of breath...the romance is much more melting than in TWILIGHT. ...cant wait to read the fourth "DAWN BREAKING...I hope it's as good as ECLIPSE...or more perhaps :-)

DUSK OVER GAZA

Readers, my online friends...i have taken the liberty of using some names of my friends...please forgive me for taking this liberty. Hopefully, some comments could be left on this page to make the story better :-)


“Mum, can I have my present now?” Her sweet angelic eyes blinked and pleaded. Her warm gaze held my eyes for quite some time. It made me almost surrender. But imagining open up the present with her tomorrow on New Year’s Eve braced me. It’s a moment we rarely shared together. As much as I wanted to lift her up and swirled her around across our little room, I should reject her persuasion. I wanted it to be special. Her birthday must be so very special this time. I would make her happy.

“Be patient, sweetheart. Wait until tomorrow night. I promise it will be a lot of fun.” The words came out from my mouth swiftly. “Fun” was something luxurious we did not enjoy over years. In fact, since her birth the word ‘fun’ looked like something magical elusive in our life. It surprised me how she could grow healthy and taller every day in such dark ages like this. She was so pretty with her dark raven eyes matching with her dark long hair. She inherited an oval face like her father with fair skin and strong jaw line. She grew taller in her sixth year of age. Her smile never left her face ever since she was born. She was born when hundreds of missile launched to our district. No electricity, no clean water, no phone available during that time of crisis. But she never gave up hope. Her tiny head shot in the hours of chaos. Her crying broke the darkest night. It was a magic casted in the most horrible time of my year. Over my agony and sorrow for the lost of my beloved, she came like spring water in driest desert. And she smiled afterwards as if she said “don’t worry Mum, everything will be Ok”. That’s how my angel born…under the blazing fire and the debris…surrounded by deaths and pains. She was my angel, my little queen, Amira.

“Ok then!” she shrugged with a bit disappointment but kept on smiling. She grabbed her bag and kissed me softly. “Tomorrow, Mum. Don’t forget this time! I’m leaving. Amir has been waiting for me. Love you, Mum.” She hurried to the door and waved goodbye. She disappeared at the turn of the street with Amir, her constant guardian and friend.

“I love you too, angel.” I whispered the words by the time I could no longer see them. It frightened me to keep those words aloud as if it might choke me if I let it aloud. I was so scared if evils might eavesdrop those words and stole my angel away. Evils floated everywhere in this district. It flew like a vulture, seeking any opportunity to steal away most precious thing within our life. They did not like us to have any endearment because we lived in a wide wild prison, an invisible prison for others but visible for the people who lived in this district. Those vultures wanted us to live in sadness and sorrows, taking away all meaningful in our life with their swift sharp claws…to break our spirit that would urge us to sell our souls to evil. I shuddered on the image of them taking my angel away, the same way they took my Husein and the rest of my family.

“Allah, most merciful and affectionate, please kindly protects my Amira. Don’t let any harm befall her. She’s the apple of my eyes and I could not live without her smile.” I prayed in silent, a ritual I had done daily to let her go. I snatched my bag and left for work. It took almost an hour of walking to the hospital I worked in. There was no public transport available as all were crushed. Walking was the safest way.
***

The boy screamed frantically in a stretcher carried by two muscular young men. Blood covered all over his body. His right leg dangled weakly outside the stretcher as if it was a rotten lump of wasted flesh. His face was half damaged and covered in thick red blood. His hands tried to cover it up as if there was something stinging and biting. He struggled for air and there’s a little piece of metal burst out of his bloody chest. It glittered like a sparkle of diamond under the sunlight. Amazingly, it was the only thing that was free from the blood. I shivered and tried to keep up with the stretcher. Looking at his poor condition, I could tell that his wounds were serious. The metal must be immediately removed with risky outcome. I tried so hard to hold him still so that he would not make any more damage on his already maimed body. I uttered words to comfort him, asking what’s his name and family. Trying to divert his mind from the pain, it was the least I could do for him at the moment. I held his hands closely to give him support and squeezed his half unwounded face. He looked so much in pain but he made effort not to scream anymore. He looked at my eyes and held my hands back as if he was trying to say “Don’t worry sister, I’ll be OK. There’s be a better place waiting for me.”

Gush… I wiped out that imagination out of my mind. My heart raced fast. I averted my eyes somewhere else. I could not look him in the eyes, not with that concealed pain. Something was burning inside my heart and it ached badly. The boy was barely 17. Even if he survived, he would never live normal again, not with that half smashed face and leg. He was just in his early life. He should have gone to college and went out with girls, to have some fun. “Fun”, the very thought of this sent an electrical wave through my body. I fought the tears that tried to betray me. No, I must not cry in front of this boy. I looked at his eyes again, they were closed now. He murmured some prayers. I saw creases on his forehead and knew that he battled with his misery. I prayed “Allah, Most Gracious and generous, please ease his pain.” Then, I wanted to curse aloud “Why do you kill our children too? Why do you keep thirsty with blood of our kins?”

Anger swept through my very essence that made me almost lost balance. With great effort, I drew an image of my Amira. She’s the only one who kept me sane all these years. She’s the only reason why I was not buried in ocean of hatred. Her smile was the antidote of my anger…seeing her innocent angelic face….hearing her reciting the divine verses…hearing her singing our lullaby. She’s the only reason over the years of her existence that there was hope, there was love. I made me come to believe that someday love will overpower hate.

Yet, my hope seemed fading away slowly. It slipped away through my fingers anytime I was at work. Seeing more people in pain, people who did not deserve to get hurt. People, who loved the way I did towards our dearest, people who believed in hope of peace. They always came bloody and maimed. Children screamed in agony merely because they played too close to the targeting areas. Often, sometimes home was not the safest place for them. Any blast could hit them day and night. It’s not fair at all. How could we find a safe place for our children while they kept firing missiles to our territory? Those children should have fun, enjoyed their games, and laughed in cheers. Instead, they saw blood everywhere, they saw hatred and anger. How could we teach them about love when what they saw on daily basis was quite a contrast. I was a mother. It torn me to pieces realizing there was no safe place for my child. To live in constant fear that something bad might happen while the kids away. Worse, the thought of our kids being trapped in a shattered building waiting to die. This despair sometimes drove me insane. I was lucky I still had my Amira.

We arrived at the emergency room. To my frustration, the room was full. I saw blood everywhere. Old, young, men, and women with IV in each bed soaked in agony. Nurses and doctors worked hand in hand to pace up with time and limited medical supplies. I should have known. Last night, I’ve heard another crash at the southern district. It was aloud and deafening followed by waves of blazing thunder. Some more missiles dropped by the vultures. They hit civilian houses. I tried to cover my ears so I would not listen the uproars. I held my Amira close and made a prayer “Dear Lord, save us.”

“Ahmed, we need a surgeon. This boy is dying.” I screamed to my colleague tending an old man at the corner. He looked at me and shrugged his head in vain. Helplessness shot through those weary eyes.

“He will die if he’s not getting proper surgery. Half his body was smashed by metal crash. There’s a piece of metal pierced through his chest. He lost too many blood.” I blurted and almost choked with tears.

“Everybody is dying, Maryam. We can not save them all, not with limited resources and meds. All hands are full, don’t you see that? Get hold of yourself and do the best you can do to save him. I’ve got already this old man with a hole on his throat and a five years old girl who got shot at her head. I’ve thought you have used to this kind situation.” Ahmed shouted in despair.

“Oh, God speed.” I whispered. I’ve been working for almost all my life in this hospital, the only hospital stood in this old slum district of Gaza. It recruited any available resource to help, even those who did not any expertise in medication. I was recruited when I was 15. I never attended any nursery school. All knowledge about medication and surgery was acquired by practice. The doctors and other nurses taught us by doing. This hospital was my school and they were my teachers. Since my apprentice, I saw deaths around me. Innocents who suffered from the missile blast, children who got buried in the debris, men who were shot at close encounter just because they were Palestinian. I saw tears and pains of their families. I saw despair and fear. I felt their agony. Yet, years of practice did not do me justice. I was not immune yet to this. Every death took a piece of me. Now, I was like a walking zombie.

I looked around again. I saw men and women in white run to and fro from one patient to another. I heard screaming and crying all around. The red stain on the floor, wall, and the white sheet stood in contrast with the white uniforms. I was like in a trench for a moment, trying to figure out a puzzle in my head with a clock tick tock on my mind. Then, I saw an unoccupied long table at the northern corner of the room. I made a gesture for the men to follow me. I cleared out the table. It was quite proper.

“Put him on that table, slowly and carefully. Try not to touch the metal.” I made an order to the men carrying the stretcher. I knew that one little mistake could end his life. His eyes were still closed and his mouth curved for the pain. I run to the meds supply room. I got some bandages, stitches, needles, and the only IV left. I searched each drawer and cabinet to find some morphine. I had to find it to ease his pain, to kill his pain. My tears rolled down as the only thing I was looking for was not there. I went back to the ER.

He still lied motionless and the table. His eyelids closed but his mouths moved up and down, murmuring prayers. The two men had left to pick another casualty. I cleaned up his face, removing the dried blood from his face with a wet clean cloth. He winched at the touch. “I’m so sorry; it’s the best thing I could do.” I gave him the only painkiller left in the drawer. His breathing was calm by now. He opened his eyes and gave a crooked smile. He jerked for the pain he felt when he moved. My tears rolled down. They betrayed me.

“Thank you, sister. Don’t be sad. Life will end somehow. Nothing to regret. I wish I could take them down all. Spare none.” He whispered weakly. “Please help the others, there’s nothing you can do with me. I’ll wait my turn.” His eyes were serene. They held me paralyzed for minute or two. They were soft and tender as if he had found peace somewhere. He tried to smile again. He looked beautiful even in that half damaged face. I caressed his hands and turned around. I was about to leave when I’ve heard his weak voice trembled whispering.

“Please, if you meet my brother, Hasan, tell him I am not in pain.”

I nodded in tears and walked away. I helped Ahmed with his patients. We worked in silence. Each hid the pain inside, carefully shoveled it and locked it in vacant room of our hearts. So many rooms we have inside the heart. Mostly, they were occupied with pain, sorrows, and agony. We began to accustom with this ever since we born in this massive prison. We blocked the pain away. We had to endure to save others.

I’ve heard more bombings outside. They were so close. More patients were admitted. We had to work fast with limited meds. Sometimes, a surgery was made without an anesthetic or any other sedative drugs. We run out of IV. It was a despair situation but we had to keep up working. We had to carefully choose who had better chance to be saved. I’ve heard more blast. The floor where I stood shake in tremor. The electricity dead and debris were swept up the room. I saw a crimson blast heading towards us. I could feel the heat and the smell of deaths.

“We were hit.” I’ve heard Jamal shouted. “F***, they hit the hospital. Take cover.”

I ducked on the floor. Both hands covered up my head. I’ve heard windowpanes broke and glasses spattered mercilessly around. The wall cracked and slit open in some parts. People screamed and cried. Some debris fell on us. I was thrown a few away, stop only when my body hit the intact wall. I felt pain on spreading through my body. I felt something wet dripping from my head. It took me moment to realize that I had cut my head with the shattered glasses. Instinctively, I pressed the wound. I took a glance at the young boy at the northern corner. He was still motionless. He was covered by debris now. I stood up and run for him but something hit me at the head. I felt pain surging through my body. Suddenly everything went black.

***

“Mum, why do they hate us so much?” I cringed at this question. I looked at her and stroke her long black hair. I pulled the shabby blanket up to her body. It was the only proper blanket we had in this small room. She still waited my answer. I worked hard on it. Dear Lord, how would I explain such complicate things to her… if only things were simple, I could only say “well, sweetheart, they are bad people." But it was not this simple. I had to find the best answer to these questions, carefully not to grow more hatred.

“Get some sleep, sweetheart. Think only good things.” I kissed her softly at her forehead. “Sweet dreams!” I crawled at her side and cuddled her in my arms. The bed was too small for two persons but it was all that was left. I put off the light. I could not sleep and hoped she would slumber soon.

“Do you hate them, Mum?” She asked again and caught me by surprise. I thought she had slept.

“I don’t know, Sweetie. It’s hard to tell. I should have hated them for what they’ve done to our people. “I paused for a moment. Hesitant to go further but in the dark I could sense her gazing at me, waiting for more.

“But what’s the point of hating them back. It’s what they did that I despised. I hated their wrongdoings but not the people. Hate is a poison in life. You must not grow hate in you. You’re too precious for such evil.” I continued. I cursed myself for having said confusing sentences to her. Somehow, I knew she understood what I meant. Children were innocent souls that often reacted more justly. They were still so pure and evils could not reach them yet.

“But what if they keep hurting us, Mum? Do we have to stay silent and love them so they will not hate us anymore?” She pried again.

“Then we are allowed to defend. We are no longer responsible of the choices they make. We can not love them but we must hate them. It will only make them winning the game.” I shocked at what I’m saying. I’ve never talked like that before. Not even with my Husein when we started our discussion between right and wrong, my people and the vultures.

I turned on the light. She threw her gaze at me. I thought I saw her blinking but not in confusion. She buried her face at my breast and I caressed her smooth raven hair. “You’re the one that keeps me away from the hate. Now, it’s late. Tomorrow you have school. You don’t want to be late, do you?” I commanded.

“Ok, night, Mum. I love you so much!” she closed her eyes.
“Goodnight, sweetheart. Love you too.!”

I turned off the light and tried to get some sleep. I could not sleep though. My mind was still raking up with her questions. I sighed. It’s not fair that a child of her age should discuss about love and hate instead of about games, dolls, and any other children affairs. Sometimes, I wondered whether she was matured to fast. I could not blame this for living in wide invisible prison like we were, our children tended to grow fast. Their age could betray the mind behind them.


I reached out under the bed. I held the wrapped box. It was a surprise gift for her birthday. I was fortunate that today Ahmed had kept his promise. From his friend who lived in Egypt, he got the doll I’ve wanted for my Amira. She never had any doll before. She merely only played with neighboring children. It freaked me out to see children playing with riffles and bombs. I must find something for my Amira, absolutely no life threatening games or stuff. So, I guessed any girl would like to play with dolls. Ahmed threw me a beautiful brand new doll this day. It was pretty doll with a headscarf. It was just look like my Amira. I had to work hard to wrap it with a gift paper. I’ve never done wrapping gifts and stuff like that. Our life was way from such luxury. I put it back under the bed. I heard her breathing calm and serene. She was fast asleep.


***

I was shivering heavily. My mind instructed me to stay calm but my physics denied it. I readjusted my headscarf carefully and tried not to look conspicuous. I stole a glance at my small shabby bag and relieved to find it perfectly secured. I walked past the street heading towards the Guard Post. I could see my people were standing in line to cross the border. Those vultures had a face of a stone and eyes like hungry vulture. Their weapons never left their side. Harshly, they made a check on every passer by. Often, they made a man lying flat on the ground and had them stay like that for a long moment. They toyed with these people, my people, like we were a piece of boring little doll.

My teeth clenched seeing those filthy soldiers played their game. I hated them more than words could say. My only reason to be sane, to keep loving had perished. They had taken my most precious. Now, there’s nothing to keep me from the hatred. All love had abandoned me. My life was meaningless now. There was only grief and pain so unbearable. I’ve traded my soul with the Satan… to get my revenge.

I saw her face soaked in thick red blood. Her once glimmering long raven black hair was damped in a pool of blood. Her limbs were tangled and maimed. But her smile never left the face. It was my worst nightmare. I wanted to scream but it was lost in my throat. My tears would not roll. There’s no more tears left in me. My anger turned into hatred, a hatred that was far beyond my life itself. A thick black hole of hate had filled my emptiness.

I wrapped her little once angelic body to mine. Blood was dripping all over… my blood and her blood…and the blood of my people. I kissed her face over and over again. I walked limply to nowhere. My home had been torn into pieces. My only reason to live was taken brutally on the night before the closing year ended. There were no frenzy parties with firecrackers piercing towards the skies. There were no songs of happiness on the night of her birthday but everlasting blasts of missiles and bombs. Death was the gift for her birthday…deaths were the gifts for my people on the New Year’s Eve. I hollered as loud as my force let me. I should get my vengeance.

Beads of sweat rolled on my face. I swiftly wiped them clean. I was too close to fail. I must not fear. I looked at my shabby back at my left hand, and then I squeezed the doll with headscarf on my left. I paused for a moment…to find the strength… I walked again. No haste this time for the building was right in front of me…just a few metres a way…a building where those vultures grouped and interacted. I heard them celebrating with such joys. It’s so contrast with what took place at my districts. All people were buried in sorrows over the lost of their loved ones while in this building there was nothing but joys and laughter. I hated them.

I felt a spasm of pain on my head. My wound opened up again but I was too overwhelmed to feel the pain. I saw my Amira waited for me there. Only, she was not smiling this time. I saw her eyes were so sad as she watched edged close to the building. I closed my eyes to wipe the image away. It’s hard to bear seeing her despairing eyes.

I was in the building now. It was a miracle how I got inside without suffering much humiliation for an inspection. The vultures seemed at great ease today. I carefully examined the device inside my bag. I could feel a cold fwire wrapped around the devise. All i had to do push the button at the right place and at the right time. Tears bubbled on my weary eyes. My heart ached as if it burst out heard and loud. My breath choked me. I must not draw back. There was no turning back. I saw the vultures all around me...ready to torture me with their masked smile.

“Forgive me my dear Amira. I am not strong enough to love.” I whispered softly. I pushed the button and everything went black.

NEW MOON

Finally, finishing NEW MOON, the second novel of Meyer's Twilight Saga. It found that the Edward-Bella love dialogues lost its charm in this second novel. It's quite irritating reading Bella's everlasting requesting of Edward to turn her as a vampire...I mean what was she thinking? It's sometimes so shallow and childish reading her constant pleading. It was all motivated by her love for Edward? But why she should ask that when Edward already promised he would be there as long as time allowed them to be. It bugged me. Thanks for Edward, he made the novel not boring. He acted rational and wiser. Also, the emergence of the werewolves pact increased the show. The warewolves-vampires things added the intensity of the novel. Almost like Bella-Jacob relationship, lol. Then, at the end, I understood Bella. I mean how would you feel if your spouse stayed young while you're getting older each year? Would be you risking anything to stay forever together with your true love?

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars–points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything." (p.332)

Meyer kept surprising me by turning upside town the old patronage about vampires and werewolves. Never before, a vampire discussed about God as their life supposed to be damned eternally. Carlisle on the hand, had some kind of strong faith in believing in God.

"Sorry," he apologized. "That ought to do it… So I didn't agree with my father's particular brand of faith. But never, in the nearly four hundred years now since I was born, have I ever seen anything to make me doubt whether God exists in some form or the other. Not even the reflection in the mirror." (p.29)

That's what kept him never stop trying to his family from the light. At least in his dark life, his existence would bring some good to others.

The werewolves did not change shape during full moon but they could change whenever they got angry...anytime they wanted to. But there's no clue on this novel how to kill them, lol. Their existence were to protect humans from the vampires, lol. Almost reminded me of the long feud of these two mytical beings in Van Helsing.

The novel began with Edward and Alice planning to throw a birthday party for Bella on her 18th. Bella did not like the ide as birthday only reminded her getting older. The only gift she wanted was to be turned into a vampire (dont like how silly her request was) and edward absolutely would not let the girl h eloved suffered a condemned life like his. Int he party among Edwards's family, Bella got a paper cut on his finger when unwarrping a gift. The smell of fresh blood made Jasper crazzy, unable to fight his thirst. He attacked her. The incident compelled Edward to think that Bella would be better off without him. What he was tended to bring harm for her...it's not safe for human to mingle aroung with the vampires even the vegetarians ones. He decided to leave her for good.

The cullens departure, especially, Edward shocked the young Bella. She had lost her true love and she thought she could not live without Edward. She got depressed for months and Charlie was so worried about her. She was lifeless, a walking zombie. Things got better when Bella revisited her old friend again, Jacob Black in La push reservation. In him, she found solace. She had things to occopy her minds with.

Bella and Jacob began spending a lot of time together,. She soon discovered that the rush of adrenaline present when she placed herself in dangerous situations stimulated hallucinations of Edward's voice. Therefore, she sought out dangerous behavior, such as riding a motorcycle, cliff jumping to trigger the illusions. Jacob fell in love with Bella while Bella considered their relationship as friends. Jacob promised she would wait until she got over Edward.

Things changed when suddenly Jacob joined a cult of teenage Indians led by Sam Uley. He began avoiding Bella. As usual, Bella would not give in until she found the truht the way she discovered the Cullens' secret. Depressed, she wandered in the forest until she landed in a clearing where the cullens used to play sofball. Off of guard, she encountered Laurent, one of James's little coven. He confessed that Victoria sent her to kill her... a mate for a mate, because Edward had killed Victoria's mate, James. in TWILIGHT. As he was about to kill her, a pack of five wolves came into rescue. It turned out later that one of the warewolves was Jacob. Jacob fiound out that he was a werewolf, and eventually revealed this secret to Bella. The werewolves began to protect Bella from the pursuit of Victoria.


Meanwhile, when Bella attemptep cliff-diving, she got caught in a riptide and was rescued by Jacob. Alice who could the a vision saw this but she failed to see Jacob's rescue. She thought Bella was death and rushed to Forks to help Charlie. Mistakingly, Rosalie informed Edward that Bella kiled at her a cliff. Alice surprised to see Bella alive but suddenly bothered by the vision of Edward going to Italy to the Volturi asking for death. It was soon revealed that when Edward called at Charlie's home, Jacob informed him that Charlie was at funeral. Edward thought it was Bella funeral. Despite Jacob's insistence to stop Bella, they went to Italy, into the city of Volterra where the vampire roral family lived. They prayed they were not to late.

In terms of suspense, this second novel is better than the first. There are more parties involved in the war...the bad vampire and the good one...and the vampires, good and bad with the warewolves. The emergence of the Volturi, the most ancient royal family of the vampire clan added to the climax. The had greatest power of all vampires...and the Cullens have to fight against them...

Again, I prefer Edward character than Bella. He's a man of principle. Especially, the way his opinion about marriage

"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your soul in exchange for an eternity as a vampire…" He shook his head. "If you're not brave enough to marry me, then–"
(p. 351)

That's cool...

Anyway, I personally dont belive with warewolves and vampires. Yet, i love reading stories about them as long as they dont involve with violence, lol. This novel did not describe any violence at all in its content...there was not any description of vampire slaughter or a blood fight...only a vague picture...

In the end, it's a great entertaining novel to read. Now, I'm curious about the ending of Victoria and the feud between the Cullens and Quilletes, warewolves...Next THE ECLIPSE