Does Polygamy Benefit Women or Men

Another incident, if not outright scandal, has arisen in the latest arrest of North Sumatra Governor Gatot Pujo Nugroho, a prosperous justice party politician along with his second wife, Evi Susanti, in relation to his alleged role as financial backer in a scheme to bribe three judges in Medan. The case has implicated one of the prominent senior lawyers, OC Kaligis as well whom to our utter disbelief an avid practitioner of polygamous marriage. This case highlights again the sensitive issue of polygamy that incessantly sparks fiery debate.

Instantly, my memory flashed an imagine of the ragged figure of a poor widow who happened to be one of my neighbors experiencing the horror of Polygamy. Drown in tears; she regretted her decision to be second wife when her husband died. Out of grief and uncertainty, she confided that being a second wife of a retired low rank officer in the armed forces, she did not entitled to any inheritance of his late husband, let alone financial support for her two young sons. She found herself not in good terms with the official wife as she was married in 'nikah siri' fashion or unregistered marriage. As a result, she lost her sole breadwinner and started from scratch to finance her shattered family.

On the other side of a coin, my close neighbor back at my hometown experienced similar nightmare. From scratch, she built a family with her husband. Coming from low income families, they both had to work nail to toe for their four children. As their household prospered, she had to face a bitter cold reality to find her husband having nikah siri with a much younger woman just because their religion allows men to have polygamous marriage. A fresh flesh with attractive appearance!

Truthfully, she felt betrayed and conflicted. She knew it was her husband's rights to have another wife at their bed. Yet, in return for the privilege, is it justified to rob her rights and peace? Her heart broke which resulted in her having miscarriage. She was forced to accept this situation due to her economic dependence to her husband. She succumbed in defeat while her husband kept flirting around with younger flesh.

Left to me if I was put in such situation, I would boil with rage as well!

Being a second wife without the consent of the official wife means you ruin one good family, hurting other's woman feeling and her children. Worse, you put yourself in dire situation legally and socially.

A good marriage is meant to guarantee security for the woman. Polygamy as practiced by our men simply does not offer this anymore because often time the first woman is abandoned or get lesser attention. No woman wants this. We are not sex toys men can replace with the new ones when they get tired of us! We are not merchandise for trade either!

Having said so, demanding a monogamous relationship does not make us, women, less pious or becoming ignorant! It does not make us evil either as claimed by the polygamous practitioners for shutting the doors close for women who have not yet found a suitable husband because the number of women exceeds men. There's not yet a legit statistics for such a claim! It is just a justification used by men who are too weak to keep their pants on! Why should their Achilles heel get women responsible to bear their pain? It does not make any sense at all!

Islam is beautiful and does not condone to justify an act that brings misery to any human being. Instead, Islam brings protection for women and put them in lofty place.

History has showed us that many pious Muslim leaders and clerics were able to stay in monogamous marriage and not swayed with their carnal desires. Respected Buya Hamka, Haji Agus Salim, HOS Tjokroaminoto, Mohammad Natsir, Abdurrahman Wahid, and  BJ Habibie are Muslim leaders and clerics as well as politicians who regarded women in their lofty place.

They know that it is almost impossible and there is hardly a case where a man can balance all the duties required in a polygamous situation, let alone distributing fairness which is prerequisite in Polygamy. It is permitted in Islam in the context of war to offer protection to war orphans and widows. Polygamy thus is a social provision for specific purpose and not just for the sake of lustful satisfaction. The Prophet did not practice polygamy while his beloved Khadijah (the first wife) was still alive. Then, many of the Prophet’s 11 wives were widows because he used polygamy as a social provision to protects widows due to wars.

Sadly, many rich Muslim businessmen and politicians advocate polygamy for the sake of satiating their primal instinct. Truth is that many of them are simply driven by lust and not any desire to fulfill any religious obligations.

Beautiful women at tender age become their prey. They do not register the union with the civil authorities, especially since polygamy in Indonesia is frown upon by the state. They treated women as objects of exploitation, sexual objects to take women through religion economics and status bargaining. As a result, these women become vulnerable to be victims of abuses and marginalisation. Because of the lack of legislation in the matter, the legal system cannot do much.

This phony reason to get more than one wife is what make polygamy stamped as oppressive and is ridiculed. While Islam liberates and highly regards women in high place, it is the actions of its followers that twist the initial noble goal of Polygamy. These men, instead of respecting women, they treat women as merchandise, a gift they can dispose of whenever they have new ones! Worse, they make their numerous wives as partners in crimes for money laundering and messengers of crimes to bribe judges. This is just outrageous!

If these men are truly champion of polygamy the way exactly practiced by the Prophet to protect the helpless widows, then I want to see them marry women who are really in great needs of help without the benefit of looks and tender age. If these men who claim to pious and respectable, only marry beautiful young women, then what would be the fate of women with plain face and poor financial background? Where's the noble goal in such phony polygamy? They are then no different with kings and tyrants in the old days when they take concubines and mistresses just because they have power and wealth!

Alas, the irony of men!

"The way to be at peace and free from the anxieties of unjust behavior is to have only one wife…. I have had plenty children with both of them. Day and night, I feel unrest since there is one thing I always think of: fairness. …. Never experiment with polygamy since we are dealing with humans. I myself am weak in this case, Abdulmalik.” 
— Hamka, Tafsir al-Azhar