Does Polygamy Benefit Women or Men

Another incident, if not outright scandal, has arisen in the latest arrest of North Sumatra Governor Gatot Pujo Nugroho, a prosperous justice party politician along with his second wife, Evi Susanti, in relation to his alleged role as financial backer in a scheme to bribe three judges in Medan. The case has implicated one of the prominent senior lawyers, OC Kaligis as well whom to our utter disbelief an avid practitioner of polygamous marriage. This case highlights again the sensitive issue of polygamy that incessantly sparks fiery debate.

Instantly, my memory flashed an imagine of the ragged figure of a poor widow who happened to be one of my neighbors experiencing the horror of Polygamy. Drown in tears; she regretted her decision to be second wife when her husband died. Out of grief and uncertainty, she confided that being a second wife of a retired low rank officer in the armed forces, she did not entitled to any inheritance of his late husband, let alone financial support for her two young sons. She found herself not in good terms with the official wife as she was married in 'nikah siri' fashion or unregistered marriage. As a result, she lost her sole breadwinner and started from scratch to finance her shattered family.

On the other side of a coin, my close neighbor back at my hometown experienced similar nightmare. From scratch, she built a family with her husband. Coming from low income families, they both had to work nail to toe for their four children. As their household prospered, she had to face a bitter cold reality to find her husband having nikah siri with a much younger woman just because their religion allows men to have polygamous marriage. A fresh flesh with attractive appearance!

Truthfully, she felt betrayed and conflicted. She knew it was her husband's rights to have another wife at their bed. Yet, in return for the privilege, is it justified to rob her rights and peace? Her heart broke which resulted in her having miscarriage. She was forced to accept this situation due to her economic dependence to her husband. She succumbed in defeat while her husband kept flirting around with younger flesh.

Left to me if I was put in such situation, I would boil with rage as well!

Being a second wife without the consent of the official wife means you ruin one good family, hurting other's woman feeling and her children. Worse, you put yourself in dire situation legally and socially.

A good marriage is meant to guarantee security for the woman. Polygamy as practiced by our men simply does not offer this anymore because often time the first woman is abandoned or get lesser attention. No woman wants this. We are not sex toys men can replace with the new ones when they get tired of us! We are not merchandise for trade either!

Having said so, demanding a monogamous relationship does not make us, women, less pious or becoming ignorant! It does not make us evil either as claimed by the polygamous practitioners for shutting the doors close for women who have not yet found a suitable husband because the number of women exceeds men. There's not yet a legit statistics for such a claim! It is just a justification used by men who are too weak to keep their pants on! Why should their Achilles heel get women responsible to bear their pain? It does not make any sense at all!

Islam is beautiful and does not condone to justify an act that brings misery to any human being. Instead, Islam brings protection for women and put them in lofty place.

History has showed us that many pious Muslim leaders and clerics were able to stay in monogamous marriage and not swayed with their carnal desires. Respected Buya Hamka, Haji Agus Salim, HOS Tjokroaminoto, Mohammad Natsir, Abdurrahman Wahid, and  BJ Habibie are Muslim leaders and clerics as well as politicians who regarded women in their lofty place.

They know that it is almost impossible and there is hardly a case where a man can balance all the duties required in a polygamous situation, let alone distributing fairness which is prerequisite in Polygamy. It is permitted in Islam in the context of war to offer protection to war orphans and widows. Polygamy thus is a social provision for specific purpose and not just for the sake of lustful satisfaction. The Prophet did not practice polygamy while his beloved Khadijah (the first wife) was still alive. Then, many of the Prophet’s 11 wives were widows because he used polygamy as a social provision to protects widows due to wars.

Sadly, many rich Muslim businessmen and politicians advocate polygamy for the sake of satiating their primal instinct. Truth is that many of them are simply driven by lust and not any desire to fulfill any religious obligations.

Beautiful women at tender age become their prey. They do not register the union with the civil authorities, especially since polygamy in Indonesia is frown upon by the state. They treated women as objects of exploitation, sexual objects to take women through religion economics and status bargaining. As a result, these women become vulnerable to be victims of abuses and marginalisation. Because of the lack of legislation in the matter, the legal system cannot do much.

This phony reason to get more than one wife is what make polygamy stamped as oppressive and is ridiculed. While Islam liberates and highly regards women in high place, it is the actions of its followers that twist the initial noble goal of Polygamy. These men, instead of respecting women, they treat women as merchandise, a gift they can dispose of whenever they have new ones! Worse, they make their numerous wives as partners in crimes for money laundering and messengers of crimes to bribe judges. This is just outrageous!

If these men are truly champion of polygamy the way exactly practiced by the Prophet to protect the helpless widows, then I want to see them marry women who are really in great needs of help without the benefit of looks and tender age. If these men who claim to pious and respectable, only marry beautiful young women, then what would be the fate of women with plain face and poor financial background? Where's the noble goal in such phony polygamy? They are then no different with kings and tyrants in the old days when they take concubines and mistresses just because they have power and wealth!

Alas, the irony of men!

"The way to be at peace and free from the anxieties of unjust behavior is to have only one wife…. I have had plenty children with both of them. Day and night, I feel unrest since there is one thing I always think of: fairness. …. Never experiment with polygamy since we are dealing with humans. I myself am weak in this case, Abdulmalik.” 
— Hamka, Tafsir al-Azhar

Lack of Etiquette on the Streets

http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2015/08/10/your-letters-lack-etiquette-streets.html

Buried in my paperwork routines, my cellphone rang noisily out of the blue. Reluctantly, I half-heartedly answered, annoyed for distracting me from work. At the end of the line, my husband's usual calm voice trembled. He asked me to immediately come to see him at the hospital nearby Depok, saying he got an accident and broke some bones.

My heart skipped a beat. The horror of the unruly street of the metropolis city sent me graphic images of fatal accidents. No matter how cautious we navigate our ways, due to reckless behavior of motorists in the capital city, who tend to ignore traffic signs, we have to bear increasing risk to end in fatal accidents by seconds. I cringed and rushed to hospital.

I breathed in a relief. Despite suffering from fractured bones in his left lower arm and wrist, my husband had no other internal injury. His helmet had saved him from suffering worse. It helped protect his fragile head from the impact of collision with the concrete road. He had to have two hours surgery to reposition his bones though that cost us millions! Thank God, we have an excellent scheme of health insurance.

Regardless of the health insurance coverage, it drives me mad to experience accident that cost us that much while it was caused by another motorist's recklessness! The unruly behaviors of motorists in the capital city is notorious to worsen the already congested traffic. Not only dodgy drivers put their life at risk on a daily basis but also the life of pedestrians. The accidents that are caused are devastating to the victims and their families are leaving to pick up the pieces.

Dozens of times, my colleagues and I got nearly grazed by either cars or motorcycles when we cross the street in front of our office gate. In spite of the red light as signal they have to stop to let us cross, they blithely ignore the sign. Often, I also have to jump out of the pedestrian lane because stupid motorists hijacked this area! A bunch of morons who act like a bunch of wild monkeys in the wood! 

It's so infuriating to see most motorists now tend to drive in the footstep the orange Bajaj drivers and metromini regardless of the cars they drive. There's a saying that only God knows which way they would maneuver! Their unpredictable maneuvers and disrespect of traffic rules and etiquette are so frustrating. Too many motorists are engaged in a deadly game that not only put their life at jeopardy but also the innocents' life.

Their poor etiquette is obscenely displayed in locations with a high risk of traffic accidents including areas near entrance lanes, U-turns, roundabouts, traffic lights and intersections. They think nothing but their own self-interest. They think the street is their private personal domain. They can drive in whatever fashion they want! 

Perhaps if those motorists reflected on the possible impact of their selfish actions, they might decide to behave responsibly. To put so many lives at risk is unacceptable and must be tackled.

It has been a public knowledge that lack of discipline on the part of road users is an acute problem which drive the city administration and other local authorities across the country frustrated. Traffic congestion in many parts of big cities is partly resulted from the public transportation unruly drivers who stop at will to wait for passengers, blocking other vehicles. Poor driving and a lack of law enforcement on the roads therefore contribute to the worsening traffic gridlock in Jakarta. It becomes an endemic.

It is therefore an urgent call to crack down the unruly behaviors of motorists and how changes in the law and its enforcement can play a role in combating this menace. Tougher penalties and consistent law enforcement should be promoted to give a deterrent effects for such behaviors. 

Let us also support the community movement to get our rights back to have a safe and comfortable pedestrian lanes. Community group like “Koalisi Pejalan Kaki” is a good start to mobilize public to seize our street back from irresponsible motorists!

Supermoon: The Eye of God

Supermoon: The Eye of God

Rays of soft light flooded the room, pulling me from slumber. Its splendor illuminated this small space, casting away the dark in the middle of the night. The lights were still out as the electricity went dead since half past nine. Surprisingly, devoid of any lamp lights, every corner beamed with soft glow.

I opened the door, to find the source of this unnatural phenomenon. I gaped in wonder to find the night glowed in splendor even without any single electricity. It bathed in the soft glow of the moonlight. It was serene and beautiful.

I stared up at the sky, it was so clear and bright. The moon shone down like a pure beam of light, flooding over the earth. A supermoon rode the skies in its fullest. A ring of halo encircled it, bright in silver and gold. A patch of soft white clouds formed a line of dazzling necklace around the pretty moon. It was so big and close as if I could kiss the moon in one swift movement. I was transfixed, stood in wonder. It's a picture perfect. I gazed in perfect silence.

Last Saturday's night, the supermoon was close to Earth. It looked bigger and brighter than normal. I wish I was somewhere at the summit of a mountain so I could reach the moon from that proximity. Imagining standing there with the super moon and stars, while the nature chants with the most remarkable lullaby. What a night!

Alas! A creepy thought crossed my feeble mind. A full moon means werewolves. The skin changers with their bestial instinct to tear us apart, feasting on our flesh and absorb the full energy of the moon!

Yet, nothing happened! It was just me corrupted by imagination from movies and legends!

I stood alone in my front yard. To see the blue moon soaring up in the skies, among the vast galaxies around us was so amazing.

Getting a decent picture on my smartphone was pretty much impossible unless I was going to rig it up to a telescope and some special filters.

All in all, I felt so blessed to bear witness of such remarkable natural beauty. I slept with sweetest sense of peacefulness afterwards. Knowing that despite the wars and agonies of the world, God keeps showing me that life is filled with many love and wonders.

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OSPEK AND THE CULTURE OF SENIORITY

http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2015/08/04/your-letters-the-culture-seniority.html

My nine year old nephew beamed with joy to return to school after such a long holiday. He was enthusiastic to get reunited with his classmates in their new fourth grade. I was happy for him, relief not to suffer worrisome like my senior colleagues who have their children enrolled in school as freshers.

This is understandable as July marks the repeated nightmarish new student orientation, often encapsulated into an Orientation week, Welcome Week or Freshers' Week. It is a period of time at the beginning of the academic year at a university or other tertiary institution during which a variety of events are held to orient and welcome new students.

The name of the period varies by country. In Indonesia it is called Ospek in college or MOS in high school. The orientation initially is aimed to help new students to organize their classes, acclimate to student life, and introduce themselves to other new student. It consists of programs and activities such as outbound, leadership training, organizational management, and other positive activities.

Unfortunately, this noble goal has lost its significance, replaced by primitive tradition of abuse of power, bullying and violence. The common main aspect in OSPEK and MOS is hazing. It may consist of verbal harassment as well as initiation leading to humiliation.

The event organizer of Ospek consists of seniors, instead of an educational board run event. With the absence of the board, seniors tend to turn this activity into a carnival of horror and terror. They often seek for revenge of similar past abuse they have endured from their seniors. Ospek thus transforms into dreadful activities for freshers. Many parents also criticized the orientation for being economically inconvenient.

How can not they be scared? The gruesome images displayed on the news on the Ospek negativity are enough to get us skeptical of its benefit. Mass media continues to report inhumane activities during those orientations that led to a few cases of death.

New students are required to go through rites of initiation including marching, dressing up in stupid costumes, and even push-ups or suffering physical reprimands that sometimes leads to violence and dead. It always sparks a controversy and long debate on how misguided Ospek benefits the students and school.

Annual tragedies resulted from such initiation rituals have led to a clamping down on school and university initiations in recent years. Sadly, the measure is not effective enough to promote more positive activities for freshers.

Therefore, It is commonplace to see initiation rituals or ‘hazings’ at schools. This practices have been around as long as schools and universities themselves. Upon entry into a school or university, freshers undergo a series of tasks or challenges designed to foster group camaraderie. These are often unpleasant and occasionally degrading in the extreme. New students are forced to accept degradation and embarrassment to show their allegiance or as proof of their fervor. As a rule, seniors can shock, excite and intimidate the new and innocent in equal measure.

Students who do not stand out as being too loud to too beautiful, or just attracting too much attention, they might escape being targeted. While those who demonstrate otherwise might suffer constant bullying, often leading to brutal punishment by older students. Reprimands can involve extreme forms of hazing, sometimes down-right cruel, such as being forced to eat mud to receive physical blows.

This is without a doubt a big irony! Orientation should aim as a bridge for character building. It is not an activity filled with non sense craps and degrading treatment. 

Worse, the concept of seniority is very much reinforced. The military style like Ospek is adopted to instill discipline so they argue albeit its transgression of basic human rights.  Several cases of dead IPDN (School for civil servants) freshers due to brutal initiation rite is not surprising. In Indonesia, seniority is very much embedded into local education culture. This perpetuates itself into the working environment in Indonesia. It is common that seniors in the office have more authority in making decision, just because they're older.

Having said that I personally agree with the action taken by the Education Minister and some regional heads to stop degrading OSPEK or MOS. School and college are supposed the place to build good character. These are places where knowledge thrives and common sense prevails. Schools are the beacon of the enlightened minds that nurture character. 

If school authorities failed to stop Ospek negativity, then their integrity should be questioned! 

Ramadan Rush

http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2015/06/20/your-letters-ramadhan-rush.html

It’s a bright afternoon. Taking a motorcycle taxi, I could still smell the after taste of the sun baking the earth. The notorious orange Bajaj and Metromini belched, coughing thick black smokes that choked me. I cringed. The skies were cheesy, hugged closely by the polluted air. A ray on crimson appeared in the far horizon, a signal for the sun to disrobe and got ready for a slumber. As with the past few days, I waited in the train platform amongst a throng of shoppers laden with one, two or even more shopping bags full of all sorts of goodies, from clothes to shoes. Yes, it's a frenzy shopping spree approaching the Ramadan. Consumerism is thick in the air.

I look to my right, there’s a giant billboard seductively displaying artist advertising mobile phones, on my left another billboard is blaring about Jakarta Great Sale offering price reduction up to 70%. Another ads lures consumers to experience the annual midnight great sale. Get dress and show off your best apparel for Eid al-Fitr, so these ads say beguilingly! Shop till you drop!

Getting off the train, at another corner of the city, the supermarket at the mall nearby was packed with shoppers. People rush to pile up on all types of food stuffs and beverages, leaving shop shelves empty by the early afternoon, to prepare for Ramadan. Everything becomes too much while we are supposed to consume less by fasting. I sighed as I was part of this shopping feast.

It’s a graphic head-on collision between Ramadan and the consumerism and materialism that have unfortunately engulfed our societies. While the holy month of Ramadan is a period for self-restraint and spiritual reflection, the dawn-to-dusk fasting month is also a time for a lucrative business and making money.

Ramadan is coming within a few hours to Muslims all over the world, with their varied customs and lifestyles. This holy month is the month of patience, waiting, restraining one's appetites from eating, drinking or pursuing worldly pleasures. In its simple form: it is an abstinence from food, drink and sexual activities from dawn until dusk. 

In its greater essence, Ramadan is a divinely ordained antidote to the lax, free, pleasure seeking way of life. In fasting, we are trained to sharpen our social solidarity, be compassionate with the less fortunate, endure trials and tribulations with patience as well as promote humble lifestyle.

Unfortunately, as with any other religious events, this sacred moment has been turned into a commodity for consumerism. An abstinence from food and drink during the day is replaced with lavish family dinner and extravagant buffet companies' iftars, featuring restaurant specialties and culinary delights created especially for the Holy month. Instead of turning our attention to Allah, we turn to the exquisite setting and culinary delights to gain a status or symbol.

A solidarity for the poor is vulgarly drowned by the appetite to buy new clothes, bags, shoes, smart phones and any other items that is believed to supposedly upgrade our social standing during Eid celebration. This is how the agents of rampant consumerism counter Ramadan’s message of simplicity, sacrifice and self-discipline.

Unsurprisingly, the capitalist industries are keen to make the most of the opportunities. They see this religious festival as a lucrative business. What's more effective than flooding the media with ads and lifestyle in an integrated pop culture that worship consumerism? These ads have spurred and goaded us with their subtle and seductive ways into self-indulgence. Our subliminal recesses of the brain is gradually infected with the blaring message that says “eat, drink and be happy, for tomorrow we die“, the hallmark of a liberal consumer society. 

As a result, bazaars, games and gossip sessions go on during Ramadan nights live on TV— festive social gatherings featuring artists, politicians and any other public figures as well as other activities that work not to reinforce but counter the purpose and spirit of Ramadan.

Alas, we are but mere mortals with fickle hearts! We are more than happy to follow up the trend!

Ours is truly a consumer society! We have become preoccupied with consumer goods and their acquisition. Notwithstanding during Ramadan, we become more and more absorbed in acquiring goods and merchandises to satiate our needs for a status or symbol.

We are indeed a flesh and blood with many weaknesses!

We still have anger to conquer, envy to vanquish, hatred to quell, gluttony to quench and lust to restraint. We keep saying words that we do not mean out of anger. We keep harboring disgruntles and discontents at heart. We keep throwing jibes and taking pleasure in gossips.

Good Gracious! What a waste. Too many excuses for our follies. Too many justification for our errors! 

Taking this moment, let’s resolve to spend the remaining days of Ramadan in as much devotion, study and service to Allah as possible. Let not consumerism cast its net and get us trapped inside.

Original Sin: Should Women Always Take The Blame?

 http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2015/05/25/your-letters-should-women-always-take-blame.html

Jakarta rocks to celebrity sex scandal. An illegal prostitution that was selling sex with celebrities has been all the Indonesians media seems to talk about after the Police lifts the veil of such scandal. The recent arrest of Robbie Abbas a.k.a Obbie or R.A., the ringleader of a prostitution ring involving several celebrities, have confirmed the public secret that some celebrities participate in illegal prostitution service as side job. The so-called high class prostitution racket reportedly offered clients models, soap stars and other celebrities. The news spread like wild fire, it becomes trending topic in social media.

Many of us aware of the secretive world of high-class celebrity prostitutes when the work of Sinar Harapan journalist, Yuyu AN Krisna, uncovered the in-depth research into prostitution in Jakarta throughout the 1970s. Such illegal business is nothing new, yet it always gets the fuel from such coverage.

As always, the butt of the jokes always center on the actresses, instead of the regular clients. Circulated initials of the allegedly actresses taking part in the business have turned into a commodity for prank and insensitive humors. My colleague knit her eyebrows, a little annoyed that this humors although directed at the supposed actresses participating in the high class prostitution network, bring along the silent stamp that women always take the blame for the ancient trade.

I have to agree with her on this point. We do not take pleasures in such banal jokes. It's offending! It’s time to shift the focus on the clients instead of the supplier!

Starting in the garden, Eve is deemed responsible for the original sin and since that time women have been blamed for many of men's shortcomings and as a source of men's downfall. The cultural root of male dominance and supremacy is a universal occurrence, including Indonesia. It's irritating that the men (regular clients) always escape the mockery and targeted jest, not liable to become the laughingstock. They could just hide behind their anonymity, like a Godfather, fearless of the degraded public stamp on their infidelity!

C'mon, it takes two to tango! There's demand before there's a supply. Where demand exists, supply will emerge – and it is a fact that men’s demand for sex fuels prostitution. And yet again, the blame game centers on the sex workers. The law rarely touches the clients, especially those with power and wealth. What an irony!

Prostitution is the oldest profession in the world. It has existed thousands of years ago and perhaps it would never cease so long men glorify their libido. It is an ancient trade of profitable business. The victims of such cartel in prostitution network are helpless children and women who are forced intodepravity mostly due to economic reason.It cast an eerie and bleak reality.

With advanced development in technology, the industry has a “liberating” power for cash and sex work is “more and more like a normal service industry”. The two recent cases of sex service commercialized through social media, the first is the murder of sex worker in Tebet area, South Jakarta and now the rigged high class prostitution among our celebrities, have sent us a cardiac arrest symptom like. The private affairs of love which should be sanctified by the bond of marriage has now become a raw financial transaction. The carnal desire holds men above the bounds of morality and thus animal instinct takes over.

The crucial question is: can it be stopped? Well...reality has proved that thousands of years efforts to eradicate prostitution is in fact in futile. So long the demand exists, supply will remain staple.

Therefore, extreme approach in tackling the problem should be introduced instead of using the traditional ways of combating prostitution by involving criminal punishment that leads to cycle of sustained vulnerability for sex workers. Different actions to reduce demand and help women who are exploited should be taken into consideration. It’s about following the money and reducing the demand. It’s time to target MEN who buy sex instead of punishing the women who provide it. It’s time to criminalizing the customers.It is a criminal offense to buy sex!

These so called clients (men) are usually more affluent, have jobs, careers, and families and they’re definitely risking by being involved and fueling this primal industry. They help to make the industry flourish. Without them, this industry will diminish. Logically speaking, it’s much more effective to get them accountable for their role in this industry. It’s time to cut off the rope. The focus should be on the male. It’s time to take prostitution as a male violence against women and children, officially acknowledging it as a form of exploitation that is a barrier to gender equality.

Cut the demand! Expose the clients! Get them punished. They too should bear the consequences. They too should know how it feels to be a laughingstock! They should also be liable to be shamed but their illegal acts.

INACRAFT 2015: A MELTING POT OF INDONESIA'S CULTURE AND TRADITION

http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2015/04/24/citizen-journalism-from-villages-global-market.html

Rows of Javanese traditional handicrafts welcomed us as we made our way for the first time to The INACRAFT 2015 exhibition. The more we explore, the more we discovered the vibrant ornaments and rich artistic traditions of various ethnic groups spawning across our archipelago. Various brooches, silverwares, sandals, kilts, bags, cloths, paintings and many other gifts sat invitingly, surrounded by eager visitors. From affordable to crazily expensives prices, these diverse etnic crafts and housewares were displayed in grace. They represent Indonesia's rich culture heritage of art and handicrafts.

Coming from Java, I am proud to see the highly developed art forms of Javanese artisans reflected in the distinctive batik designs, silver, wayang, handicrafts and other art objects.  Batik textiles ranged  from hand drawn to stamped batik, took intricate design of which takes months to create. The Surakarta and Yogyakarta royal batik designs merged with  traditional colors of navy blue, cream, brown and black have given way to a myriad of colors utilizing modern imported dyes.

There were also some antique housewares that reminded me of home. The old charcoal iron brought back my childhood memories of my grandmother ironing our clothes with the heavy metal filled with coal. Immediately, I could smell the burning sensation of the ironing process in which my grandma would sweat and fan herself after such a tiring labor. This smell stayed with me when I went home.

Digging further into the packed exhibition stands, visitors were spoiled with stunning textiles of diverse culture, double weave ikat from Nusa Tenggara, silk Bugis sarong from Sulawesi, gold-painted Balinese endek fabric; shimmering songket from Palembang utilizing silver and gold metallic threads weft in woven cotton or silk ikat; and Tapis weavings from Lampung. All of which have showcased Indonesia's rich culture and tradition, known for its outstanding array of traditional crafts.

Domestic visitors as well as foreigners flocked to this annual event. In its final day, more people come. The snaking queue to enter the compound was frustrating. Yet, acknowledged as one of the biggest and the most complete handicraft exhibition in Indonesia has made the show a rare event to miss,  a melting pot of Indonesia's culture and tradition.

The exhibition offered possibilities both for traders and potential buyers. Transactions and deals were sealed and new business contracts drafted. 

With INACRAFT 2015 main theme of From Smart Village to Global Market, the show helps to promote and facilitate distinctive Indonesia’s unique crafts products to the higher level of commerciality and artistic aesthetic.