On Mothers’ Day: Tribute to My Mum

Mother may be not the most glamorous or fashionable word in our dictionary. Yet, people around the world have voted it the most beautiful world in the English language. Yes, indeed it is most beautiful in all languages. The word brings a surreal feeling of comfort, love and warmth.

On Mothers’ Day, my thoughts and prayers are with this incredible personage in my life. She may not be perfect and vulnerable with weaknesses. Yet, within this imperfection, lies her grace and might. Words seem fail to properly describe her. I am eternally indebted to her and will never be able to repay the debt.

In this humble attempt at portraying my Mum, I will be extremely subjective and biased. I cannot be otherwise because no one in my growing years nurtured and encouraged me more. She is the sun that always gives, and never takes. And she is home where my heart is.

Sweat, endurance, love and comfort are what I think of in relation to my Mum. She is always resourceful to eke out a living on the thin crust of bread and butter. Not a day passed by without her sweating all day long to sustain our family. Thus, she taught me the importance of standing on my own two feet. She taught me not to sweat over trivial matters, as life is too precious to complaint about.

“True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less,” She would say it while nurturing our dying neighbor or caring for the newly born baby.

She was busy as a beaver, juggling between her laborious work to help supporting my family’s meager income and domestic chores. Even so, whenever there’s a neighbor in need, without any hesitation she would jump in to help. Despite her limited education, my neighbors consider her a natural caregiver. She has such a gentle heart.

Her exceptional character never ceases to amaze me. Recently, my dad suffered a hemorrhage stroke that paralyzed his left side. He went from being a super-energetic, fit elderly to a half-paralyzed invalid. He also suffered the emotional lability, feeling helpless dependent that made him upset easily. He is man-child and my Mum patiently cares for him.

She has to act as a nurse and physical therapist as well as encouraging my dad to achieve self-confidence, motivation, and independence. She understood in her own ways my dad’s limitations and allowed an appropriate time for recovery. The tiring, endless demands and stresses do not seem to falter my Mum’s remarkable devotion for my dad.

She would sit by his side day and night, attending to every of his needs without any complaints. She recited the verses my dad loved the most. She encouraged him to keep on exercising his left hand and leg to speed up his recovery. Often, my father snapped. Yet, instead of responding to the remark negatively, she would restraint her own emotions and tolerate it. I wish I could have half of such loyalty.

I know she has to handle this new life-change emotionally and hold up physically amid the sleepless nights as a caregiver. Then, there’s the additional stress of not knowing, because all strokes are different, how long and how full the recovery will be. Thank God, my elder sister has come to live my parents to help.

On this Mothers’ Day, I would love to dedicate this piece of writing for my incredible Mum. This is a way to express my love for my Mum. I guess it was easy when I was young and innocent just to say “I Love You Mum” and gave a big warm hug. It gets harder when my life becomes filled with new duties and obligation.

To express my love for  my Mum, let me quote Kahlil Gibran’s The Broken Wings, that portrays a child’s deepest respect for a Mother:

“The most beautiful word on the lips of mankind is the word "Mother," and the most beautiful call is the call of "My mother." It is a word full of hope and love, a sweet and kind word coming from the depths of the heart. The mother is every thing -- she is our consolation in sorrow, our hope in misery, and our strength in weakness. She is the source of love, mercy, sympathy, and forgiveness.”

I love you Mum! Happy Mothers’ Day!

Promoting Condom over Abstinence and be Faithful?

http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2013/12/21/your-letters-promoting-condoms-over-abstinence.html

A campaign to promote safe sex through the use of condoms among high risk groups has again erupted into a heated debate. Again, the allegedly distribution of free condom around university grounds and exploitation of obnoxious and sensuous image to advertise the campaign drew ire. Influential religious and conservative groups alike have come out in chorus accusing it to promote pre-marital sex.

It’s like watching a bad drama recurring. Related parties seem to suffer an annual amnesia since the inception of the program in 2007.

As always it makes the adults fume and adolescents squirm. It weathers storms and face of thunders in widespread public controversy.

The  intention is noble, to prevent the spread of the killer virus, HIV/AIDS, which according to 2012 statistics, there are 591,823 people living with HIV in Indonesia. Not to mention that Indonesia is listed as one of the nine countries where HIV continued to rise steadily, with new infections increasing by more than 25% between 2001 and 2011 according to the 2012 Joint UN Programme on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS).

It is also noteworthy that youths constitute 30% of the people most at risk, including sex workers, sexual minorities and people who inject drugs. Thus, these groups are targets of the campaign.

Trying to find a solution for this dreadful epidemic poses daunting and challenging task in the world’s most populous Muslim nation. It spreads far more quickly through sexual intercourse rather than drug use. The government is doing what it can to stem the spread of the virus up to supporting the use of condom despite constant rejection from religious and conservative groups.

In regards of this issue, I support promoting the use of condom among ‘high-risk groups, particularly for commercial sexual workers as their work is closely associated with the killer virus; but not to the general population. Whether we like it or not, sexual transactions are still rampant all across the archipelago and it is almost impossible to stop the lucrative business.

Nonetheless, the question remains at large on how to promote the campaign with less provocative poster and measures (as in distributing condom for free within educational premises or appointing sensuous artists as condom ambassador!) so that it is well-targeted the people most at risk especially among sexual workers. What’s more is whether free condom distribution among these high risk groups including youths is more effective and the best way over abstaining from sex to prevent the disease?

In my personal view, education is vital key to raise public awareness of the killer virus. Thus, extensive and continous public education about the devastating effects of HIV should widely be advocated.

As well as educating the public, promoting and supporting abstinence for they yet-to marry and faithfulness among the married is the best option in Indonesia which adheres to religious beliefs and eastern values.

It maddens me to think that those unfaithful husbands would cheat on their wives with multiple sexual partners,  flagged their free condoms and flashed their Cheshire cat smile, saying, “Look, this way I can prevent infecting my wive against all forms of sexually transmitted diseases.”

Well, that’s the least worse scenario if they still have regards for their wives’ health. Most often their selfish twisted interest prompted them to reject using one!

What an infuriating joke! Women always become easy preys to such irresponsible and depraved predators.

Meanwhile proper sex education should be introduced to youths instead of telling them to use condoms whenever they feel ‘this most natural urge.’ It is definitely better to educate them of the horrific risks associated with having sex at a young age outside of wedlock and to streghten their religious values.

The amount of free condoms available during the campaign undoubtedly means that these teenagers are being inundated with reminders of sex. It means they are quickly warped into a cauldron in which sex is placed at the epicenter instead of abstinence.

My sanity screams aloud on what kind of a message is this campaign of encouraging condom use among them? Is it really necessary? How can anyone argue that this kind of overtly explicit message is not harmful? It is objectively telling teenagers it’s OK to have sex as long as you have condom as protection as if shoving condoms into their pockets under their noses.

Even to the most liberal thinkers in this country, I don’t think there would come the time when they could sit and talk heart to heart with their daughters and sons and said,

 “Son, listen carefully. We know that pre-marital sex is haram (forbidden) and promiscuity is severely punished according to our religion. But, you are young and sex is the most natural and alluring thing. So, when you have the most natural urge of having sex, never forget to use condom to prevent getting sexual diseases!”

Hello! We’re in Indonesia not in one of Hollywood’s movies and soap operas!

Yes, pre-marital sex is on the rise in cities around the country. But it doesn’t mean providing them accessible condoms would stop them from harming themselves. It is not even the root of the problem.

So, urging youths to use condoms is like encouraging them to have pre-marital sex the same as giving them a gun at point-blank without any guidance.

Would it be wiser to give our youths ammunitions of moral wisdom, religious values and guidance to enable them making wiser choices in their life as they grow up. They have the unbridled opportunity to discover who they are as people and who they want to be.

Healthy Life Style to Avoid the Silent Killer.

http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2013/12/18/your-letters-healthy-lifestyle-avoid-silent-killer.html

One ring in the dead of a night. I was struggling to shake off my sleepiness. Half awake, my sister hysterically informed us that our father has a heart attack, and was rushed to the intensive care unit (ICU). He was in critical condition.

In panic, I booked an early flight to my hometown with my brother. Our father has never been diagnosed with any heart problem. His health to our amazing surprise, despite his 75 years of age, showed robust display of a healthy state, except for his hyperuricemia (asam urat) that makes his level of uric acid in the blood abnormally high.

On his 63rd anniversary, he went so far as to drive motorcycle from Solo to Jakarta alone without prior notice. We were shocked and mortified of this daredevil act. To our dismay, our father lightly smiled and replied, "To commemorate this anniversary, I want to show that I am stil fit despite my age."

It was a hairsbreadth from a disaster. We delivered our thanks to God that our father arrived safe and sound after his 28 hours crazy ride.

So, the shocking news took us by surprise.

Later, it turned out that our dad suffered hemorrhagic stroke, in which a defective artery in the brain burst and filled the surrounding tissue with blood (cerebral hemorrhage) due to his uncontrolled high blood pressure. It resulted in a lack of blood flow to the brain and a build up of blood that put too much pressure on the brain.

The doctor said he was lucky my father to be admitted in the hospital on time. The level of hemorrhage was categorized medium. Provided correctly treated, the blood could lessen and cleaned without getting a braniac surgery.

However, it took times to stabilize his blood pressure to its normal level due to the hemorrhage. The condition put our dad in a state of delirium when we got to the hospital. One leg and one arm had begun flapping uncontrollably. He was still under thorough observation in the ICU, and given an oxygen tank to help him breathe. An IV was attached to him along with other tubes to deliver food substance through his nose. It was a heartbreaking sight.

After four days, my dad was admitted out of the ICU. His life was no longer in a grave danger. However, like most stroke victims, he would require rehabilitation after the event, generally dependent on the area of the brain and the amount of tissue that was damaged.

The left side of my dad was paralyzed, although he still could move them occasionally in random. Due to his age, it would be harder to get him heal. The doctor said his rehabilitation process to include speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy.

“Family support is vital for his recovery. You have brace your family to be patient no matter what circumstances might turn out.” The doctor smiled gently at us.

Indeed, he was right. My dad changed. It took greater strength to care for him. Yet, he is the luckiest man on earth to have such a caring and patient wife as my mum.

Surfing on the net, I found that stroke is not reserved only for elderly. Nowadays, regardless of age, stroke can strike its most fatal blow. It can also be genetic related to family history of stroke. Making some inquiries around while my extended kin gathered, I learnt that my great grandfather and my grandmother died due to stroke including my father’s brother. I also have one aunt who fell into the same fate, living with paralyzed condition.

A few years back, my cousin had a transient ischaemic attack (TIA) or mini stroke caused by a temporary disruption in the blood supply to part of the brain. It caused symptoms similar to those of a stroke, having visual disturbance and numbness or weakness in the arms and legs. One side of his mouth dropped when he tried to speak. Luckily, these effects only last a few moments and fully resolved within 24 hours after being checked and treated in the hospital immediately.

Unlike my dad, my cousin’s attack is partly the result of his unhealthy life style. He’s been constantly working so hard until late at night, often until morning again. He drank lots of coffee and smoked to keep him awake and fresh. He didn't have enough rest and sleep. He didn't work out as his work consumed all his precious time. He also ate mostly junk food at ubiquitous fast food restaurants around Jakarta.

Following the attack, my cousin started to maintain a healthy life style to prevent a full, life-threatening stroke. He knows it is now the key factor to avoid another more serious and harmful attack. He now maintains a healthy weight, eats healthily (goodbye to junk-food), takes regular exercise, limits coffee consumption and stops smoking. He said he never again wanted to cross path with the ‘silent killer.’

He is now a keen campaigner to promote healthy life style within our extended kin, in the view that our family has a history of stroke. He always says that the distinguishing characteristic of stroke symptoms in their sudden onset.

Regardless of age, the sudden appearance of any numbness or weakness in the face, arm, or leg, especially on one side of the body, trouble seeing in one or both eyes, and difficulty walking should prompt a trip to the hospital as quickly as possible.

“Say goodbye to unhealthy life style. Open a new chapter in your life. And avoid the silent killer.” He said half-humorously.

Teachers: The Dream Keeper

http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2013/12/04/your-letters-teachers-are-dream-keepers.html

The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires. (William Arthur Ward).

Commemorating Teachers’ Day on November 25th, 2013, I took a moment of silence to honor all the teachers in my life for their special contributions. Everyone without doubt had a great teacher in their childhood. In my case, aside from my Mum and Dad, it was my kindergarten teacher and junior high school English teacher who I remembered the most.

My kindergarten teacher was the most affectionate, caring and loving person who taught all those qualities to her pupils. No matter how slow I was in class, she would keep supporting me to go on, smiling encouragingly. Crying when I was left behind in assembling my puzzle, she would dry my tears, and sat patiently until I finished without saying any scornful words.

She would say, “Never give up, dear. If you keep up doing things you find difficult to do, you would eventually nail it. Find your strengths, and make them shine.”, and patted my wet cheeks.

Meanwhile, my junior high school English teacher was constantly upset with my grammar and pronunciation. Nothing he did seemed to work. I was frustrated with the foreign language, and felt it a waste of time. That was until one day, after the class was over, he ordered me to stay. Out of his worn-out suitcase, he pulled out a worn-out children’s storybook. Carefully, he read page after page with powerful and compelling words. Then he had me to read it in turn.

I was drawn with his flawless storytelling, stories that my Dad used to make me read in Bahasa when I was a child, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and the Ugly Ducking. I would have never thought before that learning English would be that fun.

“They key to learn English is having fun. Don’t look at it as a burden. Watch cartoon in English, read stories you love. I promise you’ll have it mastered before long.” Closing the book, he smiled tenderly.

Many years afterwards, I found the language easier to learn. With the internet age, I was able to have the maximal benefits of understanding the international language to learn many new things and facts. I found my strengths in my writing skills. I found the new world to explore and discover imagination I would have not dared to dream in the real world.

These teachers have shown me that teaching is not a matter of expanding intelligence the students only, ensuring them to graduate with perfect scores. What matters most is a teacher’s efforts to work with the unique strengths a child bring to the classroom. What is important the most is to teach by heart, exhibiting good role model.

These teachers are the first brick in the structure of social development and perfection and the cause of guiding and developing behaviors and mentalities of individuals and communities. Math, science, history and social studies are important. But children need love, someone to listen, standards to live by. Teachers provide upright examples, the faith and assurance of responsible people.

For me personally, these teachers are real live heroes in my life, the ones that change my life for the better. They inspire their students to dream big. Teaching is about life-long learning, having fun and inspiring students to learn and do their best. They taught me that it would not matter what kind of job I have, what kind of car I drive, what kind of house I lived in, how much I have in the bank, nor what my clothes looks like as long as I am useful for others and inspire them to be better.

Too many people are looking for heroes in all wrong places; movie stars, musicians, athletes, and models. They are celebrities. Heroes abound in public schools; teachers who dedicate their everyday to inspire their students to be better each day.