http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2012/03/19/imo-view-speak-your-mind-without-offending.html
Like any other regular work days, my day starts with fighting my way through overcrowded commuter lines. Sometimes, I am lucky enough to secure a tiny spot to sit in the eight passengers seats. Often and mostly, I am not that lucky and have to stand all the way to Sudirman train station, crammed and jammed along with other passengers. This morning, however, the train was not too overcrowded. Some were still able to sit in their portable chairs at the floorboard which occasionally invited flashing anger from those who felt obstructed getting into the train because some people were just too ignorant sitting right in front of the door, lol. As usual, I wanted nothing more than doing something to relax awhile, something that stir the mind without provoking storms and unrest such as enjoying my novel. Anyway, as I was immersed at my reading, I heard growing commotion of bantering and bickering. It stole my attention. The increasing mayhem became louder and all eyes stared at the two middle aged ladies who sat side by side right in front of my standing spot. I decided to eavesdrop what’s all the fuss about but absolutely did not plan to butt into the heating conversation uninvited. I just wanted to be a silent observer (lol). Who knows I might learn one or two lessons from it. And this is what I grasp to understand “To speak up your mind effectively, you need to do it the right way.”
It's difficult to warn people without offending them even though we have already use any possible polite manners and tone. It happened that both ladies were having their light breakfast on train. The lady in a cropped black hair was having “nasi uduk”; savoring its delight with her bare fingers (this image annoyed me first time I laid my eyes on the lady. I mean c’mon, eating with your bare fingers without any water around to wash up. Well, it’s the thing I would not do except in an emergency situation). She was about in her late fifties with friendly look, smiling and comely in her thick make up. Apparently, nobody cared about this strangeness. Everyone was just milling around with their own activities, chattering around, reading papers, etc. Nobody but the lady with the headscarf next to her who seemed annoyed with the leftover rice spilled over. Perhaps, I might feel the same if I sat next a person who spilled rice all over, lol. She was at the same age perhaps. She had some fried banana for her breakfast, neatly stashed in Tupperware. In contrast with the first lady, her face was stern, sour, unsmiling, and simply unfriendly. Her dislike was intensifying when her neighbor dumped the garbage on the floor carelessly. Annoyed and disturbed, she wanted to advise her to keep the trash with her, and dumped it into the bin once she got off the train. She meant good but the way she uttered her words and the expression on her face just shattered all the good intended. Her words were just rude, as if giving order to her own son to correct the mistake, unsmiling and so rigid with emotional tone. Instead of obtaining positive responses, she got the same rude words and opposite effect. She expressed her objection with offending remark, tone and expression. As a result, all she got was negative responses and landed herself in a heated argument. They both still exchanged snicker and bickering before the lady in the headscarf got off, still yelling at each other, lol. I was just relieved they did not claw on each other.
I believe when someone wants to say that he/she feels annoyed and irritated by others, he/she should express his/her disapproval in the right way, avoiding offending and offensive words. He/she must know how to speak up his/her mind without offending the intended person at the same time. He/she has to get prepared that he/she will sometimes ruffle the feathers of others when speaking their mind, and thus there will always be people who do not agree with them or even go as far as arguing and debating. Our world is full of non-altruistic humans who think first and foremost of themselves. It’s rarely to find people who care what others might feel and just storm out with emotional flares without thinking. It is definitely a bad idea to speak your mind without taking the time "to think before you speak”. How often we see that words cut deeper than any sword. Once the words come out of your mouth, there is no way to take them back in. Once the words are unleashed without control, the damage may be done, even after you try to rectify the mistake by apologizing. So, it is wise to choose your words carefully before you let them out.
Therefore, the best way to speak up your mind effectively is to think carefully about what you say. You can make your points across without being rude in the process. In most cases, when you are blatantly rude when giving warning or advice, your words will simply "go in one ear and come out the other." While people will hear you, they will not listen with attention, or if they do, they will only hear the negative things that you said and turn into violence and resentment instead. So, when you speak, you have to properly control the tone of your voice. If someone is doing something that angers you, you have to tell them that you don’t like their deeds in a calm manner. Your face should also correspond to your voice tone because your tone of voice and visage communicate a lot. If they convey anger or similar emotions, your words will only hurt others or push them away. Your goal should be to maintain a calm demeanor and tone of voice at all times. By doing so, we can explain ourselves to others in a way that is not offensive and in return will get positive responses.
As I get off the train this morning, I can't help thinking of such similar incidents at office. Often, in office, such commotion takes place simply because people tend to use rude language or put a facial language that does not correspond to their intended meaning in expressing their mind. When we do not use the 'same language' in trying to solve a problem, then it will only end in chaos :-). It is important to keep in our mind that in any discussions, you must wear armors of strategies to enable you talking of anything without offending, hurting, or angering the person with whom you’re speaking with.
Like any other regular work days, my day starts with fighting my way through overcrowded commuter lines. Sometimes, I am lucky enough to secure a tiny spot to sit in the eight passengers seats. Often and mostly, I am not that lucky and have to stand all the way to Sudirman train station, crammed and jammed along with other passengers. This morning, however, the train was not too overcrowded. Some were still able to sit in their portable chairs at the floorboard which occasionally invited flashing anger from those who felt obstructed getting into the train because some people were just too ignorant sitting right in front of the door, lol. As usual, I wanted nothing more than doing something to relax awhile, something that stir the mind without provoking storms and unrest such as enjoying my novel. Anyway, as I was immersed at my reading, I heard growing commotion of bantering and bickering. It stole my attention. The increasing mayhem became louder and all eyes stared at the two middle aged ladies who sat side by side right in front of my standing spot. I decided to eavesdrop what’s all the fuss about but absolutely did not plan to butt into the heating conversation uninvited. I just wanted to be a silent observer (lol). Who knows I might learn one or two lessons from it. And this is what I grasp to understand “To speak up your mind effectively, you need to do it the right way.”
It's difficult to warn people without offending them even though we have already use any possible polite manners and tone. It happened that both ladies were having their light breakfast on train. The lady in a cropped black hair was having “nasi uduk”; savoring its delight with her bare fingers (this image annoyed me first time I laid my eyes on the lady. I mean c’mon, eating with your bare fingers without any water around to wash up. Well, it’s the thing I would not do except in an emergency situation). She was about in her late fifties with friendly look, smiling and comely in her thick make up. Apparently, nobody cared about this strangeness. Everyone was just milling around with their own activities, chattering around, reading papers, etc. Nobody but the lady with the headscarf next to her who seemed annoyed with the leftover rice spilled over. Perhaps, I might feel the same if I sat next a person who spilled rice all over, lol. She was at the same age perhaps. She had some fried banana for her breakfast, neatly stashed in Tupperware. In contrast with the first lady, her face was stern, sour, unsmiling, and simply unfriendly. Her dislike was intensifying when her neighbor dumped the garbage on the floor carelessly. Annoyed and disturbed, she wanted to advise her to keep the trash with her, and dumped it into the bin once she got off the train. She meant good but the way she uttered her words and the expression on her face just shattered all the good intended. Her words were just rude, as if giving order to her own son to correct the mistake, unsmiling and so rigid with emotional tone. Instead of obtaining positive responses, she got the same rude words and opposite effect. She expressed her objection with offending remark, tone and expression. As a result, all she got was negative responses and landed herself in a heated argument. They both still exchanged snicker and bickering before the lady in the headscarf got off, still yelling at each other, lol. I was just relieved they did not claw on each other.
I believe when someone wants to say that he/she feels annoyed and irritated by others, he/she should express his/her disapproval in the right way, avoiding offending and offensive words. He/she must know how to speak up his/her mind without offending the intended person at the same time. He/she has to get prepared that he/she will sometimes ruffle the feathers of others when speaking their mind, and thus there will always be people who do not agree with them or even go as far as arguing and debating. Our world is full of non-altruistic humans who think first and foremost of themselves. It’s rarely to find people who care what others might feel and just storm out with emotional flares without thinking. It is definitely a bad idea to speak your mind without taking the time "to think before you speak”. How often we see that words cut deeper than any sword. Once the words come out of your mouth, there is no way to take them back in. Once the words are unleashed without control, the damage may be done, even after you try to rectify the mistake by apologizing. So, it is wise to choose your words carefully before you let them out.
Therefore, the best way to speak up your mind effectively is to think carefully about what you say. You can make your points across without being rude in the process. In most cases, when you are blatantly rude when giving warning or advice, your words will simply "go in one ear and come out the other." While people will hear you, they will not listen with attention, or if they do, they will only hear the negative things that you said and turn into violence and resentment instead. So, when you speak, you have to properly control the tone of your voice. If someone is doing something that angers you, you have to tell them that you don’t like their deeds in a calm manner. Your face should also correspond to your voice tone because your tone of voice and visage communicate a lot. If they convey anger or similar emotions, your words will only hurt others or push them away. Your goal should be to maintain a calm demeanor and tone of voice at all times. By doing so, we can explain ourselves to others in a way that is not offensive and in return will get positive responses.
As I get off the train this morning, I can't help thinking of such similar incidents at office. Often, in office, such commotion takes place simply because people tend to use rude language or put a facial language that does not correspond to their intended meaning in expressing their mind. When we do not use the 'same language' in trying to solve a problem, then it will only end in chaos :-). It is important to keep in our mind that in any discussions, you must wear armors of strategies to enable you talking of anything without offending, hurting, or angering the person with whom you’re speaking with.
1 comment:
wassup herlina23.blogspot.com owner found your website via Google but it was hard to find and I see you could have more visitors because there are not so many comments yet. I have found site which offer to dramatically increase traffic to your blog http://explode-your-site-traffic.com they claim they managed to get close to 4000 visitors/day using their services you could also get lot more targeted traffic from search engines as you have now. I used their services and got significantly more visitors to my blog. Hope this helps :) They offer best services to increase website traffic at this website http://explode-your-site-traffic.com
To your success your friend
James
Post a Comment