Night Songstress

I waited for you, at the gate

Wishing you to come into sight

To mend a broken heart

After life paused, deserted in woe

The body was cold and blue

Battered and wrecked at full sore

Valiance and strength slipped away

Like a dying tree in a blaze

I waited for you at the gate

Yearning for you to hold me close

Deny me not, redemption and remorse

Over vices and sins, I committed

Over sorrows and grieves, I inflicted
over tear and blood, I spilled

I waited for you at the gate

With my last breath, I knelt down

An anguished soul sought salvation

When dusk overshadowed life

As an empty mountain under an eclipse

I waited for you at the gate

Wishing you to come into sight

To lay open my book of life

I cried out in fears

Regret has came too late

BIRTHDAY FRENZIE

This morning woke up lazily… reluctant to go to office…as I knew there would many kisses and hugs threw on me, lol… by my friends and colleagues…which was good actually, I mean it’s happy to have wonderful friends around J…it’s a blessing to have them all…there’s gifts and cakes also…

I’ve not a type of birthday frenzie girl, lol…don’t like being the center of attention. Usually, I didn’t buy cakes and held any special celebration…never since I was a kid. I usually said “Oh, my birthday, another year gone…getting older now”, lol. Several times, I even forgot the day, lol until my friends threw me their well wishing.

Above cake was bought by my friend...actually there were two girls who celebrated their birthday, me and one of my friend. So, the cake was actually meant for her, for me as well, lol. it's delicious, i had a slice of it.

So, to all my friends who have made my life so wonderful...thanks guys... love you all muccccchhh

SUDDENLY 30

In Retrospect

Time elapsed so fast. Dear, I just still can’t believe that today I turned 30…feels like yesterday I spent my time at high school, and then college. First long journey I’ve taken alone over graduation seemed the only journey. My sail has found its anchor and the ship has chosen its captain. The journey, however, must start again with new hope, with anew passengers on board. The ship might encounter storm and tempest. Its mast might break; its deck might shatter during the hurricane. Yet, it might in the end find calm, serene water where it could sail at ease. The goal is certain, the outcome is not yet known.

I feel that there’s so much I haven’t done in life. Feeling so self-absorbed with my own personal problems and forget the rest of the world. There are still many things I want to do to make this short journey meaningful…to carve smile of the children, to give a helping hand, to be able to empathize the world. Yet, sometimes my spirit failed to conquer my selfish ego. My fear and worries barricaded these…creating strong concrete walls. Still, I struggle hard to tear down these walls with any possible means. Sometimes, doing small things could be so rewarding…seeing a smile, seeing eyes flicker with hope…seeing there’s still love and affection in this world. And it’s a blessing I thank for every single day in life.

My ship has been on its long voyage. There are times when it stopped and got whirled in wild storm, but it still survived so far. Looking back at my life now, I say nothing but deep gratitude for all the wonderful things i have...a loving wonderful husband, great parents, and great friends.

I am not good yet,…and strive to be better.

AN END

Atop great mountain

Hearing a magic song flowing beautifully

from a bamboo flute

rendering supernatural music of a serene heart

Captivated a soul to illuminate

Of a world beyond a universe

An abode for peace

After spiritual journey has reached completion

The palace great walls shall collapse

The empire shall crumble

The kingdom shall shatter

The glorious crown shall wither

As wrinkles decayed a face

Aging like a dying plant

There’s no escapade

Of the upcoming fate

That would greet all son of Adam

The shadow would finally come

An end for a mortal life

An ending for worldly quest

When spirit is bid to leave

By The rightful owner

The source

Atop a great mountain

Hearing a music of a serene heart

Glory fades

Pride falls to pieces

As the soul surrenders

At a closing end of the journey

MY ROUTINE

This is what I do every single day with little variations.

3.30 am : alarm clock stars ringing, get up for lail pray (sometimes too sleepy to concentrate, lol), preparing milk and breakfast

4.25 am: taking a bath

4.40 am: taking morning pray...make some preparation for work (including get dress, put a little make up, having braekfast etc...sometimes if the time is too short, have to wrap the meal)

5.05 am: getting ready to leave with my husband

6.15 am: arriving at office (if using the car)

7.05 am: arriving at office (if taking the train)

7.15am - 4.15 pm : spending the whole time at office, working at the archive department in one of state department

4.30 pm: taking bus to the train station

5.30 pm: the train arrives to take me home (if it is not late, often the train is late :-(

6 pm : arriving at the nearby train station

6.05 pm : taking another trasport to home (public vehicle)

6.50 pm: arriving at home, rushing to do maghrib pray

7 pm: doing all the housework (laundrying, wahing dishes, sweeping the floor, preaparing dinner for my husband and I...having some chats with him)

8.15 pm : taking a bath

8.30 pm : taking isya pray

8.40 pm : watching my fav TV series

10 pm : going to bed...too tired to even dream, lol

Time seems moving so fast. No matter of hard I try to catch it up, it always runs ahead of me. So, Saturday and Sunday are my days for rest...slumber like a sleeping princess, lol. Sometimes, I go to my brother's home (which is pretty far from the city I live in...it takes more than one hour to get there by car) to visit my beloved nephew...or going to supermarket to shop daily neccesseties.

TEARS OF DRAGON

Dedicate this poem to a special friend that dissappear into a mist

Gliding trough an autumn wind of eve

With a fleeting scroll of sunset pining crimson

To follow a stir of dusk in solace of peace

So sad as rustling leaves fell to the ground

To decay and decompose

Soaring into pure moon above

Knocking at heaven’s door

With grief and sorrow so unbearable

As tears rolling down to the earthly floor

transforming into raindrops of life

As tears of a wounded dragon

A lost friend of beloved

Over the dragon’s lair

as an eclipse set its glide

to paint picture of dark and grey

Where to find you?

How I could a dragon be chased?

How could a dragon in agony be saved?

Mournful roars echoed

Over oceans and skies

An anguished heart within a dragon cries

Where to find you?

When there’s no trail to follow

Nothing but distant woes

Nothing but constant tears

Within the cascading spell of rain

that revived the garden of life

Where to find you?

My dragon…

How to call you?

My wanderer…

How to break you free

from a magic spell of nothingness

how an arrow could reach you?

to pull you back into safe haven

into the dragon's lair

MY FATHER'S TREES

1. the small river at the back in dry season

2.My parents' home

3. The rambutan tree

4. the mango tree

5 & 6 the matoa fruits

My father always has a green thumb. Almost any plant he plants, grow big and yield some delicious fruits. We have a small piece of tiny land besides our home. On one occasion, he planted 5 to 6 orange trees, also some peppers. All of them grew and fruited. After three years, my father replaced them with Mango and Rambutan Tree. On my early years in college, my father bought a Matoa tree. The tree is the native fruit in Papua and we thought it was a little bit

odd to plant the tree at home. My father would not give up the idea and he cared for it so much. I remembered during dry seasons, he would water all the plants himself because he did not want them to dry up. Now, within our small tiny land, there are one big matoa tree, two mango trees, and three rambutan trees. There are also two banana trees. When I them a visit on Idul Fitri, it’s usually the mango and rambutan trees that bear some ripened fruits…unfortunately, I’ve never tasted the matoa because it’s always too late to get them on time, lol.

With my very zero skill in photography, I took the pictures of them during my visit last idul Fitri, lol. And the man in front of the rambutan tree is my husband, lol. behind those amazing trees, there is a long small river in which i used to swim at my childhood. But now, the water is not too good to swim in as domestic pollutions already contaminated the river.

Beauty in Blue

Among the rocks and thorns, you grew

Blue little petals all dipped with dew

Bathed under sunshine of a new day

Sparkled among bushes and grass

pure gems of sweet nature to stare

An alluring aroma floated softly

Invited butterflies to flutter by

Attracted bees to dance merrily

humming their precious melody,

To find sweetest nectar out of beauty

A lustful admiration of purity

That kept alive the colony

O, sweet beauty in blue

Along the path into the wood, you mature

Among rocks and thorns of a shady path
scattered and dispersed like ornament

Such precious gifts of mature nature

Blooming so fair and bright

Stood so proud in grace

Casted a spell of magic in eerie silent

The birds sang their sweetest song,

Trying to rival your exquisiteness

Yet vain was the outcome

Until they perched on nearby tree

Eyes staring at the fairest beauty

Marveling upon such sight

O, sweet beauty in blue

An ease for weary travelers

A cure for the troubled minds

A reflection of divine grace

A LIFE MAZE

Life is but an adventurous exploration

Of an uncharted land of the unknown maze

To find the ultimate path leading to another sphere

One prickly road, one easy plain road

With nothing but the map of life to guide

A constant traveler you will be

Let not foolish pride gets on your way

Let not anger and greediness blindfold you

Let not imprudence and reckless action sink you

When dark threads besiege you

Be not lured into their lethal trap

Within the maze of life

You grow and flourish

Thrive within each step you take

Learn the lesson well, survive you will be

Ignore the signs, at a lost you will be

Forever trapped within the maze

A prey for hungry predators

Of jealousy and foolish arrogance

Of mortal weakness for worldly joys

Within the maze of life

We are but wanderers

Forever in search of the eternal flame

That is hidden in the rare sunna of hikmah

Forged into rare sparkling gems of wisdom

That illuminate along the way

To escort you to the end of the journey

The Constant Wanderer

O, sky above

The roof atop my home

O, mother earth

The base of my home

And the crescent moon and stars be my light

The sun be my warmth and guide

Within each journey of my take

Wandering all plains and deserts

Climbing atop ring of mountainous barriers

Piercing into wild dense forests

Enduring deadly seasonal changes

Into the path of anonymity

In pursue of serene waters and retreats

Where the spirits drift within celestial delight

Each dawn stirred new dream and hope

Of a new journey to welcome

Like a ship harboring at the bay

Gear up to start a voyage

Into vast seas and oceans

Eager to discover another land to settle

To explore cavernous and unfathomable beings

To satisfy thirst and hunger of knowledge

A desire beyond wishful thinking

Yet, within each journey

Perils waited in silent

As the dark stirred despair and anger

Under the cloak of ghastly darkness

Hidden behind the vise of the night

That stirs old and fresh sorrows

In which grief and wretchedness clouded the abyss

A chasm within a soul to shut

To obliterate serenity

Like a ship within stormy seas

Storms blast the calmness water

Blizzards stroke with malevolence

Turned the ship upside down

Like a toy shaking to and fro

Within enormous spread of pouring water

Derailed and broken

Yet, forceful desire always at a rise

A divine call to conquer over

Magnitude of pains and miseries

A triumph to win over

A reward for every wanderer

Of a solitary warrior

Of divine beauty

Of divine bliss

TEN QUESTIONS ABOUT MYSELF

So here's the rules: 1. Answer the questions below. 2. Take each answer and type it into Google. 3. Take a picture from the first page of results and post. 4. You can't copy the answers of the person who posted this before you. 1. Your age 2. Your favorite place 3. Your favorite movie 4. Your favorite drink 5. Your favorite color 6. Your favorite season 7. Your favorite smell 8. A place you would like to visit 9.The town in which you live 10. Your favorite scent

1. Your age

2. Your favorite place

3. Your favorite movie

4. Your favorite drink

5. Your favorite color

6. Your favorite season

7. Your favorite smell

8. A place you would like to visit

9.The town in which you live

10. Your favorite scent

BORED ... MY UNSPOKEN PUNISHMENT

That's what I felt for these last two days ... I was given an assignment that was not my interest and not in my scope of knowledge... If only I was given an option, I preferred translating a book or composing stories, lol.

I am now dying to get over this assignment...to finish it...to complete it...doing all I can...and it's up to them to decide...after all, this task is not even listed in my job desk It's only a weapon to used against ^-^... It's a part of their game... a game I never want to play with...I'd rather play my own game, lol.

But it's Friday, so just "be happy and dont worry".

AN OASE IN THE DESERT

There are times when I think life is not so friendly with me. Stress at working place and heaps of personal problems often trigger me to think in such desperate way. My frequent action is crying and cursing Especially, when the goverment finally decided to rise fuel price, all daily neccessities went sky-rocketing. This has created more income spending for daily needs... Then, I started to complain...If I only I got better job and salary, If only i were a billionare, lol...and many other IF ONLY. Luckily, in this desert, I always find an oase. A spring water to wash away my thirst and weariness.

See the above photo? Her name is Mbah Sarinah. She is more than 60. At this age, she still has to work hard for a living. I met her a couple months ago during my travel at Yogyakarta.Her back was hunch due to the burden she used to carry. She sold traditional snacks by moving around at Malioboro street. She offered her food to the passers by, hoping she could sell some of them to earn a living. She told me she only lived with husband. Her only daughter lived far so they could not rely on her. Everynight she became one of the night peddlers and buskers...scratch a living in the street...earn a little money...less than 2 $ per day to survive another day.

Such was the reality currently found in many big cities in Indonesia. After an economic crisis hit Indonesia in 1997, the pople who lived under poverty line had increased tremendously. The current skyrocketing prices of daily needs worsened this condition. Many children forced to do labor in the streets by their parents because they were too poor to finance their daily needs. Those children became street beggars at the many traffic lights around Jakarta City. The old had to face the same fate. Their grown up children were too poor to support their life so that they had to beg at the streets. Street buskers and peddles were now common sight at the trains, buses, and many other public places.

Mbah Sarinah was far too noble to beg...she said as long as she was still able to sell her food, she would not beg at the streets. I admire her for this virtues principal. She's one of the many people who fought really hard to live.

Sometimes, when I went home after work with my husband, we stopped by at the mosque for maghrib prayer. I always liked this habitual activity as within this house of God, there's always a beauty. In this mosque, I saw people from various social strata gathered...businessmen, clerical employees, street buskers and peddlers, commuters left their activity and prayed under the same shaf (line) and roof. In this pray formation, anyone who had capability of being an Imam, could lead the pray...eventhough he's only a peddler. Looking at this wonderful sight, I used to marvel...all worries and complaints were vanished. It's like drinking a fresh spring water at the vast dried desert. Who am I to complain? while I had so many things to be grateful for.

THE DREAM

a free spirit, I dream of
flying high with spreading wings
across seven seas and oceans
over hills and mountains
across deserts and rainforests

with eagle eyes, spread my gaze
savored all beauty laid before me
each layer revealed magnificent color

Wrapped in the cloak of seasonal change

Splendor of nature

Hidden under façade of winter sonata

Of spring chorus,

Of summer concert,

of autumn symphony

Stand aloof, yet so near

The music of the heart

I flew higher,
and higher,

And more,

Into the wilderness of vast paradise
seeking the limit of the skies
piercing through clouds and torrents

Soared with such freedom in air

Drifted away within rolls of white cloud towers

My spirit wandered blissfully
eager to meet the utmost beauty

Cuddled within embrace of peace

A serenity of the heart and soul

higher and higher
my wings faltered
yet, not yet I found
beauty that I looked for
my spirit withered

Freedom was an illusion

Until I behold The Most Gracious

THE EYES

Some wise men say

The eyes are the gateway to the soul

The lips would lie,

yet the eyes would not deny

The mind would falter,

yet the eyes mirror the heart

They could kill with a gaze

They could kiss without a touch

They could burn with a glare

They could haunt without mercy