IMMORTAL

She stood alone

so mighty in her majestic surroundings

frozen forever under misty morning blue

with the kiss of mid-sun ray

so proud in her glowing radiance

Misty fog misty snows

dare not to interupt her solemn songs

trees froze under her wings

no move no voices

but the rustling blizzard

forever stood alone

eternal over time

GOD GIVE ME STRENGHT

It’s almost 3 years my husband and I were married. Yet, we haven’t had any children. We’ve seen an obstrecian/gynecologist for almost a year and a half. I had a laparoscopy to remove the cyst and endometriosis, hormone therapy, PLI (Paternal Leucocyt immunization). Not to mention the fertility pills I took. But still nothing happened. The waiting seems ages and torturing. The time and cost often tired my spirit. Often, I despaired for it’s like I wanted something that I would never had.

Often I wondered why God gave me this test. Why am I not worth of having children? Am I not good enough to be a mother? Or what are my sins that I should be punished this way? Questions that aroused out of despair…questions that filled my head if fear and desperation overcame me. Sometimes, it’s too much too bear that I cried alone. Deep down inside, I knew Alloh has plans for me. Yet sometimes, emotions and pain defeated this rational fact.

I am lucky my husband had shown me a great understanding and patient…something that I don’t understand…that’s why I love him more. There are times when we argue, but we could work it out. I once talked about having an adoption child if within three years we cannot have one. I mean it’s a lonely home without children and God knows how long we can endure this loneliness. I’m glad that he said OK but I still have fear inside. Am I capable of loving the child as my own? Am I ready for this?

I know when despair overcomes me I should remember this verse:

"..and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know."(2:216)

God Give Me Strength

In the solitude of the night

I pour all my heart to YOU

I surrender myself within YOU

I cry upon YOU

Strengthen my heart

Fortify my weak soul

With Your tender love

Please let not despair engulf me

Let not the flame of desperation consumed me

Let not my worldly needs perished me

In the solitude of the night

I prayed with all heart

I emptied my mind of all my wants

I knelt down solemnly

To seek refuge in YOU

To gain peace at heart

Alloh show me the way

Lead me to the light

Give me strength and strong faith

To see the plan You have for me

So I will never lost

Let's Save Our Forest

It's so sad to know that Indonesia has the fastest pace of deforestation in the world between 20000-2005 according to Guiness Book of Record. Greenpeace said Indonesia has lost 72 percent of its intact ancient forests and half of what remains is threatened by commercial logging, forest fires and clearances for palm oil plantations. The next generation of Indonesians will not see any forests if the government does not take any serious action to cope with this prolem. Mainly because industrialization had been put in front no matter what cost it may take. Let's just hope that it's not too late to start.

My Greenly Homeland

When I was young

I saw little green Pasteur and prairies

Grass waved happily in a sunny day

Trees on the hillsides exposed their fresh greenly leaves

Butterflies danced around the rosebuds

Enchanted the world with their beauty

Nature sang a beautiful song

Such was my homeland

when time elapsed many years

I saw grey dried vast land

Hills were bare naked

Baked by the burning sun

Trees withered and died

Drought captivated all

Nature wept in sorrow

Sang a heartbreaking melody

That echoed throughout the wind

I sat on my knees

Tried hard to figure out what was going wrong

Sought an answer that was already there

I cried but tears didn’t come

For I knew well what was the cause

And I prayed to dear Lord

That it may not be late

To save what was dying

I was old now

Many changes taken place

There were no more trees or grass

Only concrete walls and skyscrapers

Stood arrogantly in what used to be my greenly homeland

Piercing through the skies

As if trying to challenge The Creator

Old as I was

Too tired to fight

Too exhausted with many defeats

I was dying

Together with my greenly homeland

No longer curious of what tomorrow would bring

For I knew very well now

I saw clearly now

That the future was dying

If no one cared no more

GLAD TO BE BACK

It's been awhile i've gone to another city for training session...a little bit bored but glad to be over and safely returned home.In those classes, i felt a little bit like a puppet ...being played in monotonous story that did not attract many audience. And as a puppet surely I had to act accordingly...I was saved by my nature of posing many inquiries in related subjects. So it stopped me of being too sleepy in the class lol.And i became a naughty puppet :-)

LOVE AND FORGIVENESS

As we walked

along the path

memories flashed

over the lost years we had suffered

heart swell with hatred

infused with fury

lust for revenge

no room for love to grow

Oh, how life was so different then

so much joys were taken

so much unease lingered

so much time wasted

for hate to keep growing

As we walked

hands tightly clapped

hearts bound with love

the past released

a venom of hatred

as forgiveness granted

to find ease and peace

and shall forever remain

To love is to forgive

TUHAN MASIH SAYANG DEWI

Hampir dua hari kemarin saat liburan semua stasiun TV menayangkan kehebohan berita soal Dewi Persik. Dulu soal pencolekan daerah terlarangnya oleh seorang pengemar pria, sekarang soal pencekalannya oleh sejumlah daerah Tangerang, Bandung dan Bekasi. Meskipun awalnya sempat mencak-mencak dan esmosi, toh akhirnya Mbak Dewi ini melumer juga. Itupun perlu telephone dari seorang Menpora.

Kalau dipikir, sebenarnya Tuhan itu masih sayang ma Mbak Dewi. Lihat saja banyak orang masih sayang terlihat dari banyaknya kritik dan teguran agar doi bisa tampil lebih elegan dan santun. Coba kalau Tuhan gak sayang, pasti ditegurnya nanti kalau semua sudah terlambat. Mungkin ini bersumber dari niatan doi untuk 'dicintai oleh Tuhan'. :-)

Anyway, kasus ini mengingatkan pada keinginan menkominfo untuk melindungi generasi penerus bangsa dari serangan virus amoralitas lewat situs-situs porno. Sebuah langkah yang tentu saja patut kita dukung karena memang tingkat degradasi moral anak bangsa telah sampai pada tahap yang bikin kita mengelus dada. Sayangnya langkah mulia macam ini tampaknya kurang koordinasi dengan departemen terkait lainnya, Departemen Agama, Menteri Pemberdayaan Wanita, dsb. Lha wong yang namanya tontonan TV, berita media massa seringkali ternodai oleh erotisme dan pornosisasi or pornoaksi. Seharusnya semua elemen terkait mampu bekerja sama secara simultan untuk mencegah maraknya pornoaksi dan pornografi, dan bukannya malah saling berdebat kusir soal istilah dan kategori pornografi dan pornoaksi.

Yang lebih menyedihkan adalah belum adanya awareness or conscience dari sebagain besar para pekerja seni, entah itu sutradara, artis, script writer etc soal tanggung jawab moral apa yang mereka kerjakan terhadap edukasi generasi muda. Lihat saja saat ini banyaknya film yang bertolak belakang dengan budaya ketimuran dan moralitas, film mistik yang mendangkalkan nalar dan religi, aksi panggung sejumlah penyanyi yang sangat berlebihan alias terlalu erotis. Semua berdalih atas nama kebebasan berekspresi dan berkreasi. Sebuah dalil yang selalu didengungkan bahwa seni terpisah dari nilai religius dan nilai moralitas. Sebuah dalil yang saya pribadi sangat tidak setuju. Setiap kebebasan terbentur pada hak dan kebebasan individu lain. Kebebasan haruslah disertai dengan tanggung jawab sosial dan moralitas sehingga tidak kebablasan sebagaimana bebasnya seekor hewan.

Kita rindu tayangan yang santun dan edukatif yang mampu meningkatkan kualitas mental dan daya pikir. Dan yang terpenting kita ingin pemerintah lewat departemen terkait memformulasikan satu langkah dan satu gerakan untuk menangkal degradasi moral yang semakin parah.

Say Hello to My Multiply Again

I'm so glad that my multiply now can be accessed again. After so many protests and unrest, now the provider changed the mind. Way to go :-)

Internet and its content is just like a knife, it depends on who is the user...In a surgeon, it becomes a critical tool to save a life, in a criminal, it becomes a leathal weapon. So what will you do? To eliminate all the knives or to punish the user?

The Time

I knelt to pray but not for long
I said my prayers but mind's away
I fulfilled my obligation but heart ignored

Not much time for the soul
for bills would soon be due
not much time to pray
for the clock kept ticking
to rush to work
too much to do
too little time

Always in a hurry
Fajr pray was often missed
as weariness defeated the soul
dhuzur pray postponed
as working papers were soon to due
Ashar pray was lost
as I was somehere entertaining clients
Maghrib pray was undone
as traffic jam blinded the heart
Isya pray was shattered
as I slumbered in my pillows

never had time for the soul
until it's too late
as the angel of death came approaching
I was summoned before The Lord
before Him was the book of life
to narrate my story
to give judgement

I knelt with downcast eyes
trembling with tears

redeem and regret came too late

a voice was heard
"Your name I can not find,
I've much work to do
and no time to look"

Multiply Has Been Blocked

It's crazzy act to take! I just do not get it! It's like there's mice in the barn, and you burn the barn to get rid of the mice. Instead, getting some profits from it, it only led to disaster to the whole community :-). It makes me realize a man with power does not always mean a man with wisdom and thought.

The film Fitna by a Dutch politician had triggered many protests in here including from our top presidential officials. It can be understood as I myself disliked the film, condemned such false accusation and direct attack on certain religious. The film is now widely spread in the net. That's what angered the government more. To prevent it from being spread widely in the nation, there's an ultimatum to ban any media that posted such film including U-Tube, Rapid share, multiply, etc. As a result, now I lose my only joy at my office during stress hours when I need refreshment by writing in my blog.

What a naive act to take. It's like preventing globalization lol...no one can stop such movement. No matter how hard the government tries to ban all the sites containing such film, it will always find a way. It is only loss they will get...citizens cannot search informative and up to date news and other beneficial materials from the net. After all, many benefits can be gained from the net if we could use it wisely...
And now they will also ban the Google search??? Well then, welcome back to the Stone Age … lol

He's Getting Better

Alhamdullillah, Praise only to Alloh, he was allowed to leave the hospital yesterday night. And today, i would pay him a visit after work...spending my whole weekend with him.

Just look at him, isnt he adorable lol!

WISDOM

I looked back of years elapsed

of the faultiness I have carved

of the truths I have discovered

as far as my wings spread

to open each gate laid ahead

to reveal each layered steps

with delight or sorrows

I looked my reflection at heart

when it grew calm and sober

into a solitude of selfness

then right in front of my eyes

i beheld each chapter of lifes

oh, how life had showed the truth

in an exchange of my youth

WISDOM

I looked back of years elapsed

of the faultiness I have carved

of the truths I have discovered

as far as my wings spread

to open each gate laid ahead

to reveal each layered steps

with delight or sorrows

I looked my reflection at heart

when it grew calm and sober

into a solitude of selfness

then right in front of my eyes

i beheld each chapter of lifes

oh, how life had showed the truth

in an exchange of my youth

A Poem Of Rumi

The garden of Love
is green without limit
and yields many fruits
other than sorrow and joy.
Love is beyond either
condition:
without spring,
without autumn,
it is always fresh.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi

He's Getting Sick

It's been four days, my little nephew's hospitalized. It started last Saturday when his temperature was up and down. He didn't eat much as any food was immediately thrown up after being swolen....usually even in his sickness, he still had pretty good appetite. He wanted to be cudled in his mother's arms all the time...when she tried to put him in bed, he would cry. May be he found much comfort in her arms...that caused much problem as he didn't want anyone to replace her ...his father tried to cuddled him but he cried. It's as if he wanted no one else than his dear mother. The general doctor's prescription did not help much.

So, they had to take him to the hospital. And i was worried about him. The weather is unpredictable here. Sometimes, it's so hot during the day, then suddenly it rains hard in the afternoon...it's dry for a couple of days then changed suddenly into hard raining. This condition had made many children struck by various ilnesses. After being examined, the pediatrician told them that the symptoms showed him having a dengue fever. His hemoglobin level was a little bit abnormal so he had to stay in hospital after he got better.

I was sorry to hear this as i could not rush to see him...still have to work here...I'll be able to visit him only this weekend... I pray he gets well soon...i phoned them every day...yesterday, my brother told me that he's been better. The fever is stil up and down but he's now able to eat...a laugh a bit when i hear him on the phone....playing with some toys...it's quite releiving

I had bad impression with dengue fever. It had taken away one of my brothers before i met him. I wasn't born yet when my oldest brother got such fever. He was only five or six, so my mom told me. It was in 1970's where transporation was still rare and hospitals were miles away. When my father got to the hospital, it was too late. He died at 5...sometimes, i wonder what it would be like if he's still alive....surely i would have two brothers

But then i think may be it's for the best. He would be in heaven now for as a child he has not yet committed a sin.

Another Fitna on Islam

http://www.reuters.com/article/blogBurst/entertainment?type=entertainmentNews&w1=B7ovpm21IaDoL40ZFnNfGe&w2=B7uKSLYIvxu3zDSUkrYJp2Xj&src=blogBurst_entertainmentNews&bbPostId=B3n2BGd6CDaJCz6dfKZWPZ9c1Cz4xoBDpnEULjAEUxxv4axVD&bbParentWidgetId=B7uKSLYIvxu3zDSUkrYJp2Xj

After a series of most offensive caricature of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) in Denmark, now another fitna created by a dutch politician, Geert Wilders. I wonder how come he made such statement about his film while he had never read Qur'an completely. It was false accusation that was rendered all the times, perhaps until the day of Judgement.

The film had aroused many protests throughout many regions in my country. Many do not accept such false image of Islam, even the government had made its official objection and condemned the film to be seriously offended muslims.

Review Ayat-Ayat Cinta (Verses of Love) on Reuters

Check this site

It's good to see a good review on this film by an international news media. At least, after the horrid short film by Dutch parliamentarian Geert Wilders called Fitna that discredited Islam. Though I might say that I personally like its novel version more. The novel is so much more beautiful. I hope soon it will be translated in foreign languages so everyone could enjoy reading it.